Avast!

President Obama has ordered more pirates killed than any modern American president.

"Yet to Come"

I really don't think it has anything to do with the fact that their home Senator lost the presidential election to him, but Arizona State University, where the President will be addressing graduates in a few weeks, has decided not to award the President an honorary degree, saying, "His body of work is yet to come. That's why we're not recognizing him with a degree at the beginning of his presidency."

Really.

The first African-American president of the Harvard Law Review.

A community organizer who bettered the lives of the impoverished and disenfranchised.

A senior lecturer of constitutional law at the University of Chicago.

A state Senator of Illinois representing the 13th district for seven years.

A United States Senator representing Illinois for four years.

The 44th and first African-American President of the United States.

Not to mention the Grammy-winning author of two bestselling memoirs.

But nay, President Obama's achievements are "yet to come." How insulting.

To offer some perspective here, ASU bequeathed an honorary degree to Senator Barry Goldwater (R-AZ) after serving one term in the Senate. It offered a degree to Justice Sandra Day O'Connor after she'd served on the Supreme Court for three years. Walter Cronkite and Cesar Chavez were also handed honorary pieces of paper by the public Arizonan university.

Other ASU honorees: Erma Bombeck, Hugh Downs, Howard Pyle, Jerry Colangelo, Art Buchwald, and Steve Allen.

Never heard of 'em? Don't worry, you're not alone. But these household names were more worthy in the eyes of the ASU board than some dude named Barack Obama.

Apparently ASU has apologized for the "incident" ("Dear sir, our apologies as we failed to realize you are actually the elected Leader of the Free World") and has decided to rename a scholarship program "The President Barack Obama Scholars Program." Gee, thanks for throwing him a bone.

Speaking of bones, the following is an exclusive update on the FDOTUS situation (see "The Politics of Dogs"):

Barry & Bo

The Politics of Dogs

The First Dog has arrived.

As a dog lover through and through, I can't be more happy for Sasha and Malia Obama who just welcomed a new puppy, Bo, to the world's most secure poop yard.

Bo, a Portuguese water dog now living somewhat of a real life adaptation of a popular Nickelodeon movie, was a gift to the Obama family from Senator Edward Kennedy, a stalwart political ally of the president and lifelong lover of all things Portuguese water dogs (he owns several).

Bo's long anticipated arrival caps weeks of speculation over the breed, name, and sex of the dog, a media frenzy borne from our collective national affection for the aura of the idea of America's First Family which unites us in our love for our country and its culture and invariably transcends petty partisan politics.

Or, not.

New Gingrich, the fresh, new, exciting face [sic] and increasingly inevitable presidential frontrunner of the Republican party, apparently doesn't appreciate all of this undue attention being paid to uncovering the identity of FDOTUS.


“I hope that the girls love the dog,” Gingrich said on ABC’s “This Week.” “I hope the family – and all the pressure they’re going to be in – finds it useful. And I think that this whole thing is fairly stupid.”


The former Speaker of the House and current chairman of Old Cranky Smartasses of America (OCSA) went on to say, “And where they got [the dog] from – who cares? It’s a nice gesture on Senator Kennedy’s part to give it to them but who cares?”

Wow dude. Maybe the President can train Bo to fetch that stick from your ass.

Just imagine if they'd spelled the dog's name "Beau." Sean Hannity would probably dedicate a good fifteen minutes of programming to decry the "Frenching" of America.

UPDATE: It appears Bo Kennedy Obama's stay in the White House has ended earlier than expected. Freedom's Watch has reported that the less than one year old First Dog failed to pay $4,343 in back taxes and failed to disclose a new bone on his latest tax forms. The President has reportedly "reluctantly" accepted Bo's resignation. The First Dog's spokesdog could not be reached for comment.

Royally Awkward

Moral of the story: greeting and being around the Saudi king in general is awkward and uncomfortable for most Westerners, especially alpha male Leaders of the Free World. There's protocol involved. Does anyone complain when visiting heads of state have to adhere to strict arcane traditions in front of HM the Queen of England? Oh I forgot, she doesn't wear a towel on her head.

Call it a bow, call it an enthusiastic handshake, but don't call it the END OF ENDS of American world hegemony (!!!!) because our President demonstrated (due or undue) respect for a dictatorial regional (for better or worse) ally with whom we have (for better or worse) important interests.

Unless this all proves Obama is a Muslim usurper who is conspiring with the Saudi king to transform this country into a Islamic-socialist dictatorship. Go grab your guns and Bibles before they're confiscated.

Honestly people. A little perspective here (or anywhere) helps. Has President Obama fostered an oil business partnership with the Royal House of Saud? Has President Obama ever welcomed a member of the Royal House of Saud to his ranch? More than once? What's that? He doesn't own a ranch? Irrelevant.

My oh my, what a short-term memories we have.


*Smoooch*

Obama Dismisses My Realism

Just a few hours after North Korea illegally launched a ballistic missile, President Barack Obama spoke to a large crowd in a public square in Prague about the need for nuclear non-proliferation and disarmament.

Those of you who are dedicated raindancers and esteemed Enosinians will remember that the Enosinian Society hosted a debate back in February over nuclear weapons (See "A Timeless Classic" and "DRUGS"). In this debate, I made the argument in favor of the elimination of nuclear weapons. It was a position I took reluctantly, as I had been fairly convinced of the necessity for such weapons for purposes of deterrence. However, over the course of developing, honing, and delivering my argument against my own belief, I daresay I convinced my inner realist to flip-flop on this issue.

Obama, returning to an issue that became one of this signature accomplishments in the U.S. Senate along with Dick Lugar (R-IN), has pushed me even closer to joining the disarmament camp. His remarks in Prague demonstrated his committment to non-proliferation, but also proved he's no nuke dove. He laid out his plans to address the issue with presently-armed countries, significantly strengthen the ability for international regimes like the IAEA to conduct thorough inspections, and punish countries for breaking the rules. The President suffers from no illusions about disarmament; he understands the challenges confronting these efforts as well as the reasons for not doing it. But he also understands that it is the right thing to do for humanity's sake. And since we're on the topic of humanity, the President knows and said as such in his speech that the single greatest nuclear threat to humanity comes from the hands of terrorists who acquire loose fissile material. And that's what keeps him up at night.

Watch the President's remarks here.

Fauxrage (and Blaziness)

I will preface this post with the following statement: I do not believe I have adequately followed this week's AIG BONUS SCANDAL OMG story so that I might be able to comment on it with a strong grip on all of the facts surrounding it. With that said, I think I can offer some legitimate commentary. You have been hereby forewarned of any factual misinterpretation on my part. You have also been hereby forewarned that the following is extremely sloppy work by my standards, and I apologize in advance for my blaziness (web log laziness).

The retroactive 90% tax to recoup bonuses awarded through taxpayer money that recently passed the House in a fit of (silly and wholly avoidable) righteous congressional outrage is unconstitutional. It passed last week with strong bipartisan support and will likely pass in the Senate as well, riding the wave of similar vehement sentiment. I sincerely hope the President does not sign it into law, but if he does, the courts must strike it down.

The President and his Treasury Department did the right thing in tweaking the language of Sen. Dodd's ARRA provision designed to prevent the collection of bonuses by Wall Street executives. Had the provision been left unchanged, companies such as AIG could easily take legal recourse to reclaim their due bonuses, possibly using public money to sue (which is exactly what they're doing now), adding more cost to the taxpayer.

The Obama Administration is under fire for their apparent strong-arming of congressional Democrats like Dodd to protect Wall Street bonuses. They did the right thing. The administration protected the right for private employees to collect their bonuses, many of which are contractually obligated. Here's why these executives still deserve our ire: they shouldn't be asking for them. These individuals knowingly overleveraged their companies through rampant securitization and...well gosh, you all know the story, they woefully mismanaged their firms and effed up everything for us. These people may be guaranteed their right to collect these bonuses, but they damn well shouldn't. I find it amusing that guys like Vikram Pandit, the CEO of Citigroup, have reduced their annual salary to $1, yet still demand payment of "earned" bonuses (and even order lavish renovations of their offices) all at the expense of the taxpayers.

When the President ordered that compensation for executives of companies receiving taxpayer money would be capped at $500,000 (apparently "bonuses" don't count as "compensation," a ridiculous distinction which I would like both the administration and at least one corporate executive to attempt to defend), he was blasted by some on the right for using government authority to intrude in the marketplace. The argument in favor of the President's order remains the same today as it was two months ago; when the public hands out its own money, the public dictates the rules. I find it strikingly hypocritical that same Republicans who criticized the President for attempting to limit executive compensation ended up voting for the recently passed bonus tax (but only rushed to vote in favor after it was clear the bill would pass with Democratic votes alone).

This past week's news cycle has been dominated by virulent outrage over AIG and executive bonuses which has inevitably recycled the whole debate over bailouts and the stimulus package. I have no outrage left. It is a useless and trite emotion at this point that is too often employed to rile up the already severely misinformed average viewer. The taxpayer has been royally owned. Let's accept it, move on, and work to ensure it never happens again.