Kids Say The Darndest Things

Raindancers, I try to be clever, but until I'm writing for this show, I'm just a wannabe. Once again, Jon says what I try to. The only difference between us is while Jon's soul has been run over repeatedly by a Mac truck over the years, steering him toward more passive tactics of exposing hypocritical alarmists for what they are with a snicker and a pun or two instead of unleashing a firestorm of smackdown with full vigor and righteousness, I still have some life left in me to pack a stronger punch. But today, as I have many times before, I defer to the most poignant political satirist of our times:

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Someone Like You

Hayley Hayley Hayley.

New album.




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Palinize Him

I don't care what anyone says about SNL; their political satire is spot-on excellent.



The above video is provided by MediaMatters.org, which has unfortunately just became a right-wing spanking machine as opposed to a more politically balanced arbiter of the righteous smackdown. While I love exposing the likes of Beck and Hannity and Limbaugh as the thoughtless, phony, paranoid alarmists they really are, there are more than a few on the left who deserve a good shitshower every now and then.

Oh speaking of assbaths for righty nutjobs, Glenn "Stand by your convictions, America!" Beck, the panic pusher appeared to uncomfortably (for you, me, him, and Katie) hem and haw during his recent CBS Evening News interview when asked, reasonably enough, to define "white culture" and explain the reason for his confidence of the President's unrelenting disdain for it. What's the matter Glenncakes, are you afraid of losing even more advertisers by trying to vindicate your baseless, damaging assertions of racism of the same kind that Jimmy Carter rightfully got panned for?

You're a hack, Glenn. You can't even defend your idiocy within the plushy little kitten confines of a Katie Couric interview unless it's behind the sleek glass and steel desk you bloviate from in a flashy po-mo studio set replete with obligatory doomsday graphics, failed word tricks on chalkboards, and the requisite corporate-style (((GB))) branding. Glenn, next time you're in a corner haplessly attempting to defend some lunatic conspiracy you cooked up, just do what you're good at.

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Czar Wars

And the foot soldiers fighting them. This is what I wish I'd gotten to do on September 12th:



Via Ganging Aft Agley.

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Card Tricks

President Jimmy Carter's comments concerning the nature of opposition to President Obama, which he characterized as overwhelmingly racist, was wrong, in bad taste, and has no place in our politics. Playing the race card with such recklessness never advances one's argument.

Unless of course you're black.

Enter the Esteemed Chairman of Funk (and the RNC) Mr. Michael Steele yo yo YOO.

After loudly reprimanding President Carter for his irresponsible accusations of racism toward the political right, Mikey Steel smacked up Barry Obama and his cracka ass self (why you gotta call it da WHITE HOUSE Uncle Tom???) for keepin down the black man:

I found that to be stunning, that the White House would send word to one of only two black governors in the country not to run for re-election. And it just raised a curious point for me. I think...Governor Paterson's numbers are about the same as Governor Corzine's numbers, yet the president was with Governor Corzine.

-via First Read & Politico

Oh WORD.

And there you have it folks. The same bullshit race-baiting employed offensively by the left and defensively by the right, recycled and repackaged. The black chairman of the Republican National Committee has implied racist inclinations of a black president directed toward black governors. So not only does Obama hate whitey, he hates blacks too! God he HATES himself SO MUCH.

(Sorry that is so racist. Bobby Jindal is pretty much black too.)

Raindancers, follow me as I pan to camera 2 for a serious Beckian "We Have Lost Our Sense of Decency in this Country" moment here.

We've lost our sense of decency in this country. We have steered so far from what our own God -fearing parents, despite their own more overt prejudices, taught us about how to treat one another. Time and time again, we have forgotten how to appeal to our better angels. It's time we as a nation take a deep breath and begin to learn from one another again, from both our differences and our greater similarities. To start us on this process of healing, I present to you a wonderful educational video prepared by our favorite morning people at Fox & Friends, on which they discuss an important recent event in the history of black-white relations. Let's watch together:



I know you, as I do, feel so much better having watched that, especially in times like these, when a white man can call a black man a liar with impunity and a black man can rape a white underage female country singer in front a live audience.

There is so much to learn from the above video, but I'll begin with a few points.

0:06 - Just witness the seering, fucking righteous anger of host and Neo-Nazi Brian Kilmeade (right). I think we all feel what he feels.

0:30 - The "pimp's" observation is quite astute. "Silly Fox & Friends, pimping is for black people!"

0:35-0:56 - Host Steve Douchey er, Doocy's brief description of the scenario reveals his innocent ignorance about the "goings on" of "pimpdaddys" and "ho-sugars" and "dimebags" and "streetbeats." Steve Doocy is a family man. Steve Doocy is wholly unfamiliar with all that "dillywally."

1:01 - Gosh black people are such clever lawbreakers!

1:31 - "Hehehehe but you don't ACTUALLY work for Fox News hehehe, cuz, cuz, HAHA, cuz we only employ one pimp at a time!"

2;00 - I'm drawing a moral equivalence between your grandma's chinchilla and the cold-blooded murder of a Kodiak bear. Which are related to BLACK BEARS.

2:19 - "That's who THESE PEOPLE are." "Yeah." THESE PEOPLE.

Okay on second thought all of that was so fucking racist. If only there were someone to make enough noise about it...

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Bust This Nut

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The Senate voted on Monday to deny further funding to ACORN. No doubt many have already tried to paint this as somehow a problem of the Democrats or Obama's causing, especially after the accusations of voter registration fraud during last year's election. The Census Bureau and the Department of Housing and Human Services however have partnered with ACORN since 1994, hence funding has been re-appropriated for many years under Republican and Democratic-controlled Congresses. Regardless, an investigation into the legality of both the conduct of ACORN employees of the "undercover agents" in these offices is a foreseeable and appropriate consequence. This isn't the first time corruption has benefited from taxpayer money, and unfortunately it will not be the last.

UPDATE 09/18/09: On Thursday, September 17, the House joined the Senate in stripping funding from ACORN. But Rep. Jerry Nadler (D-NY), chairman of the subcommittee on the Constitution, adds a very interesting and perhaps disconcerting twist to this story. In his speech on the House floor, Nadler argued the actions taken by the House and Senate were unconstitutional:

A little while ago, the House passed an amendment to the bill that we were considering that says no contract or federal funds may ever go to ACORN, a named organization, or to any individual or organization affiliated with ACORN. Unfortunately, this was done in the spirit of the moment and nobody had the opportunity to point out that this is a flat violation of the Constitution, constituting a Bill of Attainder. The Constitution says that Congress shall never pass a Bill of Attainder. Bills of Attainder, no matter what their form, apply either to a named individual or to easily ascertainable members of a group, to inflict punishment. That’s exactly what this amendment does.

It may be that ACORN is guilty of various infractions, and, if so, it ought to be vetted, or maybe sanctioned, by the appropriate administrative agency or by the judiciary. Congress must not be in the business of punishing individual organizations or people without trial.

This Constitutional conundrum brings back the recent memory of the AIG bonus scandal, in which the House, in acting like a bunch of little kids rushing home to their parents to show they got on A on their homework, passed a wildly unconstitutional retroactive tax to recoup the taxpayer money, a measure that never came to a vote in the Senate. While I was not aware there existed a subcommittee on the Constitution, I'm both pleased and dismayed simultaneously upon learning of its existence; I am pleased such a subcommittee can dedicate itself to ensuring the respect and adherence to the Constitution, but dismayed that such a subcommittee would have to exist in the first place assuming members of Congress are expert lawmakers with a thorough and deep knowledge of the powers enumerated to them through that document.

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