During last night's exciting
ACORN Vote Bowl, news of CNN anchor Campbell Brown's
departure from the ratings-challenged network was released along with the identity of her replacement host, former New York governor Eliot Spitzer Dupree Mayflower Hookers. In tendering her resignation, Brown was refreshingly frank about her reasons for leaving the show of her namesake:
"The simple fact is that not enough people want to watch my program, and I owe it to myself and to CNN to get out of the way so that CNN can try something else."
Good for you Campbell. I've always been a fan of yours, even though I've never really listened to the words coming out of your mouth. You've always been the
cougary Megyn Kelly, which is another way of saying I wouldn't know whether I'd want to bone you or just tape your tongue to the side of your mouth. Your fiery
NO BULL I AM A SERIOUS REPORTER MMKAY? demeanor has always struck me as just painfully cute and endearing, like a middle-aged mom attempting to utilize her hitherto meaningless degree in English by writing novellas between chauffeuring the kids to lacrosse practice before yoga class. With your radiant smile, swept bangs brunette hair, your flawless porcelain skin, deep brown eyes and your adorable squirrel cheeks, no man can help but fall in love with you immediately, mostly because you look like you would cook us something if we were hungry. You are a piece Campbell Brown. So much so that I have declared thee our third Attractive (I suppose former) Anchor & Cutie Correspondent honoree. You have
joined good company. God bless you darling. I will miss not watching you.
Rawr.
