Monday, December 14, 2009

Q: How Is This Okay?

The Daily Show With Jon Stewart
Mon - Thurs 11p / 10c
Beck - Not So Mellow Gold

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The works: Glenn Beck terrifies his viewers, through a complex system of bells and whistles, into believing the world as we know will never be the same when we awake tomorr--okay if not tomorrow then really soon TRUST ME--in order to spur the simple citizen into ACTION annnnd alsosellsomegold. In addition to this, he openly touts on his television (and I would imagine radio) program the high value of gold due to the weaker standing of the dollar in a recession. He even boasts, as depicted above, of his own God-like ability to sway markets (a form of back-room, unseen, fascist tyranny). And just as you the viewer have been sufficiently pissed off and scared shitless about the Wiemar Republic-esque hyperinflation that will inevitably hit any day now, you patiently wait for the commercial break during the (((GB))) Program to place down your cheese curls and mini American flag and pick up the phone to ORDER GOLD NOW. But WAIT. On comes Glenn "What Happened to Decency and Ethics?" Beck, fresh off of his Goldline contract signing, on the teevee again OMG COME BACK IN THE ROOM urging you to buy g--YES GLENN I WAS JUST ABOUT TO DO THAT YOU'RE SO SMART.

For a man who has (comically) dedicated his life's work to revealing the men behind curtains, Beck (and Bill O'Reilly, Mark Levin, Michael Savage, Laura Ingraham, Dennis Miller, Fred Thompson and G. Gordon Liddy) sure does seem like a faux wizard himself.

A: It's not. Pray on it.

Step into the rain:

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