Friday, July 31, 2009

"Dynamic Inertia"

This only offers credence to what men have claimed for centuries: it's good for you, ladies.

Hilarious Shake Weight Exercise for Women - Watch more Funny Videos

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Wednesday, July 29, 2009

Much More Than Cronkite Has Passed

"What's most amazing about this episode is that what [Glenn] Beck said isn't a fireable or even a suspendable offense by his bosses. There was a time when outrageous rants like this would actually cost the ranters their jobs. But not anymore; if anything, it's now encouraged.

"The folks who are creating the perception of an ideological/polarized media world are people who have never really spent their lives being journalists. Whether it's former political consultants-turned-TV execs, or former radio DJs, or former California socialites, the folks helping to accelerate the public's perception of the media off a cliff made their livings trying to do other things."

-Chuck Todd, NBC News

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Tuesday, July 28, 2009

Letter From A Reader on Health Care Reform

[Text removed]

Corrections & Apologies

Wh...wha? Who--oh hey raindancers. Yaaawwwwn ahhhh just woke up from a great sleep. Really oughta figure out that reoccuring Sarah Palin-Michele Bachmann lesbian alpine squirrel-hunting fantasy.

Oh speaking of Ms. Bachmann! Raindancers, this will be a first, and God willing the last time I say this: I owe Rep. Bachmann an apology.

I know, I know. The woman represents nearly everything I believe is wrong with the human race. But in my last post (which was a parody, for those of you with no Sarcas-O-Meters, you know who you are) and on Twitter, I falsely asserted that the gentlelady from Minnesota had attempted, and succeeded, to block a bill introduced by Rep. Neil Abercrombie (D-HI) that would hail Hawai'i as the great 50th American state annnnnd say BarackObamawasbornheretoo. Many pounced on Bachmann for her apparent wink at the Birthers, a movement that has been the target of my ire most recently. But as Alex Koppelman of points out, this was not the case:
"[Bachmann] did indeed block a vote on the resolution, noting the absence of a quorum, but that move wasn't about Abercrombie's resolution specifically. She was just playing her part. The House had already decided to postpone the votes on all of the resolutions being considered under a suspension of the rules until Monday evening. Bachmann noted the absence of a quorum for several other non-controversial pieces of legislation so that those votes, too, could be postponed until the scheduled time. After the postponement, on Monday evening the resolution passed -- unanimously. Bachmann was one of the 'yea' votes."
All's fair. Second Rain apologizes to Michele Bachmann for implying that she had stopped the resolution from being voted on to object to the birthplace provision. My B.

But worry not all you fire-breathing knee-jerk elitist liberals! It's only a matter of time before the Congressbitch blames global warming on microwave ovens and clubs a baby polar bear on C-SPAN. And when she does, you'll know where the rain falls. Wink.

Now where's my dream book...

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Monday, July 27, 2009

Liberal Idiot Elitist Scumbags (LIES)


<|>UPDATE 34-467<|>

Today the DIMocrat-controlled Government tried to make a law that would say Barack Hussein Obama aka BARRY SOETORO was born in America.

That's right! The socialist dems are at it again, this time with the backing of the liberal elite MSM, trying to spread LIES. Congressman Neil Abercrombie, a demoncrat from Hawaii, wrote a bill that bascially said Hawaii is a great state. Now I dont mean to trample on Hawaii, its a great American state. The family wants to go there sometime but we dont have passports. But HIDDEN INSIDE the bill was a sentence that celebrates the birth of B. Hussein Obama in Honululu on American soil!!!! This is a LIE and we know it!!!! The democraps were all set to have their way and LIGITIMIZE an ILLIGITIMATE marxist president.

But thank God for Michelle Bachmann!!! She stepped in at the last minute and blocked any attempt to shove this bill down the American peoples throats!!!!!

Do NOT believe the MSM and the LIES they and the Demo-Socialist Government wants us all to beleive. There is an illegal, undocumented ALIEN in the white house who is hellbent on destroying this great country and everything it stands for and we will not be shut up until he goes back to KENYA where he came from!!!! We need to stay vigilant and stay the course and not back down like Michelle and all the other Republican heroes who refuse to do as there told by this facist administraton!!!!

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!LET'S TAKE BACK OUR COUNTRY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!@@#


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Friday, July 24, 2009

I Almost Feel Sorry For This Poor Bastard

And then I remember that he's G. Gor. Don. Lid. Dy. The (barely tolerable) Chris Matthews chastises a foundering child:

Visit for Breaking News, World News, and News about the Economy

Hat tip Wonkette.

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Thursday, July 23, 2009

The Born Identity*

Gosh, how tired I grow of this. I swore to myself I'd finally leave this Birther bullshit alone after my last post on the subject. But since that time, the curmudgeony old bastard/Oompaloompa stunt double who is Lou Dobbs has raised the stakes in what once was a pointless, trivial debate that produced only absurdity and entertainment and hasn't warranted strong-armed resistance; he has embraced the Birther movement. He has done so reluctantly enough, as a true reluctant warrior must when he defends his country from The Outside, saying that at first he didn't believe any of the "fringe" nonsense that will have us all believe that our President, who is a natural born citizen of the United States, is in fact a Kenyan. Or was it an Indonesian. Whatever. He ain't from here. But now, after some intensely focused, hard-nosed journalistic research, Lou's got a new tune.

Nevermind the fact that documentation is readily available proving the President's natural citizenship. And nevermind the fact that, as Jon Stewart points out below, while Kitty "Rawr" Pilgrim filled in for Dobbs on his own show and provided, as a journalist should, ample evidence to support the truth about the President's birth, Dobbs was undeterred in his pursuit of witches a few nights later. This educated, (seemingly) intelligent man has now taken a fringe movement into the mainstream. And he has left damage in it's wake.

Well, you might ask, if this is really all nonsense, why won't the White House blanket the country with copies of BO's birth documents? They run that post office shit, why don't they deliver a copy to everyone in America? You see, no matter how much evidence is provided to the contrary, conspiracy theorists have the luxury of calling "bullshit" by either claiming a document was forged, a video was confiscated, a picture was photoshopped, or a statement was altered. It's such a convenient card to have, like a police card that gets you out of a speeding ticket and hence allows you to drive however you'd damned please. The White House needn't bother even trying to reason with these people. Giving in to their demands will only elevate the kind of radical fringe elements that so dangerously creep out of the woodwork whenever change is overwhelmingly favored and delivered against their stubborn will.

We can choose to fight back fiery lies with equal fire (see the barely tolerable Chris Matthews grilling of Rep. John Campbell; no one disagrees with ensuring those who seek the presidency meet the requirements to do so, but the bill this schmuck, who had to be goaded into assenting to Obama's American citizenship, is proposing only offers credence to those who will deny the current president's qualifications. Shall we pass implementation laws to ensure members of Congress meet their constitutional requirements to hold office?) or let the rain of truth (and the second) extinguish them. Meanwhile, this fantasy will continue to be to too many a way to justify their hatred and disdain, to justify their ignorance and turn it into wisdom. It's their way of holding on to the belief that things aren't bad because of themselves or any other reason but an illegal alien in the Oval. But on the other hand, as Jon demonstrates, those with ulterior motives can apparently move with greater ease than we ever imagined.

The Daily Show With Jon StewartMon - Thurs 11p / 10c
The Born Identity
Daily Show
Full Episodes
Political HumorJoke of the Day

*-Hat tip to Jon & Co. Sad I didn't think of it.

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Wednesday, July 22, 2009

"This Ain't a Number One Record...

...this is practically assault with a deadly weapon."

Someone had to do it. We found just the man for the job.

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Monday, July 20, 2009

Crouching Tiger, Hidden Obama

UPDATE: I have now watched this five times. Six.

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Bush let 9/11 happen.
The Clintons murdered.
Franklin D. Roosevelt was a closet Communist.
John F. Kennedy was killed by the CIA.
The Catholic Church runs the world.
The Jews own the media.
The lunar landing was a hoax.
America is colonizing the Middle East.
The United States government is enslaving Martians at Fort Knox and harvesting their eggs.

"In fact, one thing that I have noticed . . . is that all of these conspiracy theories depend on the perpetrators being endlessly clever. I think you'll find the facts also work if you assume everyone is endlessly stupid."

Hat tip Josh Kraushaar, Politico.
Salute my former congressman Rep. Mike Castle (R-DE) for reason.

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Thursday, July 16, 2009

Graham, Reasoned

After signaling to the media and to the nominee herself that he would find it difficult to vote in favor of judge Sonia Sotomayor's confirmation to the Supreme Court, Senator Lindsey Graham may have changed his tune. After two days of hearings and candid testimony by the nominee before the Senate Judiciary Committee on which Graham sits, the South Carolina Republican has hinted at the possibility of supporting her.

"I honestly think I could vote for her," said Graham after acknowledging the increasing inevitablity of Sotomayor's confirmation.

In this remarks to the judge during yesterday's hearing, Graham reminded Sotomayor that she has "said some things that have bugged the hell out of me," but that by and large her judgment has "generally been in the mainstream. The Ricci case, you missed one of the biggest issues in the country or you took a pass. But I'm going to say that as Senator Feinstein said, you have come a long way."

"To be honest with you, your record as a judge has not been radical by any means."

And while most of his GOP colleagues are sharpening their misleading and useless attacks over Sotomayor's now infamous (for which I wholly blame the irresponsibility of the media for offering it without context and the President and Robert Gibbs for attempting to explain it. Just don't call me Glenn Beck) "wise Latina" comment and her superfluous but forced explanation/apology for it, Senator Graham has used the higher functions of his brain, namely reason, logic, reassessment in light of new information, as well as basic listening skills to come to the conclusion that enough has been said on the issue.

"I regret that I have offended some people," Sotomayor said. "I believe that my life demonstrates that was not my intent."

To which Graham said, "You know what judge, I agree with you."

"To those who may be bothered by [that explanation], what do you say?" he asked.

Senator Graham may not vote for Sotomayor after all, but he demonstrated his knack for bucking his party and voting with his head without ideological grandstanding. And he demonstrated this ability during a confirmation hearing for a Supreme Court nominee, Ground Zero for the ideological warfare many of his party's faithful wish to unleash. I respect that.

Hat tip Politico.

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Wednesday, July 15, 2009

Some Insane Confidence

This band is strapped in and ready. Just check out this balls-out rock'n'roll all-star video. And pause it at the 3:45 mark. Yeah, they're so ready. Don't call it a comeback.

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Tuesday, July 14, 2009

"God, Obama, and Bernie Madoff Go To Prison..."

Got jokes? Huh? How 'bout this gem from former Bush Administration lawyer and current candidate for secretary of state of Kansas Kris Kobach (I can see the alliteratory (yes, alliteratory!) yard signs now):

Q: What do President Obama and God have in common?
A: Neither one has a birth certificate.

Gold! But of course patently untrue. Various documentation proves that Creator, God The was born in Friars Hill, West Virginia and is an American citizen.

Extra bonusey points to any RD who guessed the punchline was "skin color," "everything," or "unlimited texting."

In other news, Bernie Madoff began his extended vacation in beautiful Butner, NC (he'd saved up for it) where he will be staying at the grand and regal Butner Federal Correctional Complex. It's only a matter of time before the personal-finance-and-investment jihadist will escape from prison and wreak havoc and terror in America's streets.

Speaking of which, Bernie the Bandit will be sharing his new home with a man by the name of Omar Abdel-Rahman, also known as the "blind sheik," who was sentenced to life in prison in 1995 for his attempted assassination of Egyptian President Hosni Mubarak and his plans to blow up various New York City landmarks, including the United Nations headquarters in Manhattan.

Hat tip to Ben Smith of Politico.


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Wednesday, July 8, 2009

Bunker Hill

C+ is




Step into the rain:


The whispered, soft, warm opening note of a song/The roaring flyover of F-15 Eagles over a stadium at the end of "The Star-Spangled Banner"/"The Star-Spangled Banner"/John Mayer guitar solos/The right chord progression/On a piano, sustain pedal down/Sympathetic resonance/Spirits/Kisses on necks/Fingers down backs/A glimpse of skin/Hearing "Taps"/While watching flag-drapped caskets of slain American soldiers being lowered/TV commercials for the Marine Corps/Cathedrals/A cappella harmonies/The right song on the right street at the right time/A breeze/In autumn/Seeing Michael dance/Sunsets/Monuments/Prayer.

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Monday, July 6, 2009

Boys & Clowns

"All the world's a stage, and all the men and women merely players. They have their exits and their entrances; And one man in his time plays many parts..."

-W. Shakespeare

And in this world, the Same People who thought Sarah Palin could be Vice President of the United States think Senator Al Franken is the first of four horsemen. Well who ever thought Ronnie "the Gipper" Reagan would be the President of the United States (and subsequently revered as demigod by the Same People who ironically accuse others of rampant ObamAdoring)? Mr. Fred Thompson dared to live his dream! And the people of Minnesota obliged Mr. Franken's (eventually). Here's a little perspective even Senator Inhofe could understand:

Some boys act like a clown and then become big boys who hope to do big things and be remembered for them.

Senator Alan S. Franken (D-MN)

Some boys act like a clown, become big boys, and do big things for which they are better remembered.

President Ronald W. Reagan

Some boys become big boys, do big things, and act like a clown for which they are better remembered.

President George W. Bush

Some boys act like clowns, do big things, and become big boys for which they are better remembered.

Mayor Clinton Eastwood Jr., Carmel-by-the-Sea, CA

And some boys become...clowny women.

Mayor Rudolph W. L. Giuliani, New York, NY

And we are just tickled by it all, aren't we?

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Whine & Cheese

Hat tip David Shuster and HuffPo (I know).

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Sunday, July 5, 2009

A Political Intervention

Palin's resignation is one of those moments where I am so heavy with opinion that all semblance of wit, humor, and sharp analysis is lost under its crushing weight. So I will rely on Mr. Glenn Thrush of Politico, who is clearly grappling with what many in the non-editorial objective world of journalism have dealt with since last August when Kaptain Klondike was thrust into the glare of our collective headlights; that is, how to report on and discuss a political figure who is so perplexing in her actions that she almost beseeches the shunning of good journalistic practice in order to bemoan her puzzling and difficult to witness decisions.

I share Mr. Thrush's frustration, which I liken to that of a person who is struggling with a friend's vexing behavior, warranting the dismissal of norms and the crossing of lines in order to truly confront the problem at hand. Sarah, you're losing it. This is an intervention.

Five Questions for Sarah Palin via Glenn Thrush of Politico:

1. If you're leaving your elected position with more than a year to go because you can't handle negative publicity, personal attacks and GOP back-biting, how could you possibly handle the rigors of running for president -- much less being President?

2. How can you say you didn't take a "quitters way out" when you just quit?

3. Hillary Clinton, Liddy Dole and Gerry Ferraro had a secondary goal in their political strivings: tailoring their actions and statements to destroy the notion women couldn't compete against men in the political arena. Palin suggested that was her goal too in '08 -- and her defenders never hesitated to cry sexism when she was attacked -- so what does quitting say about her commitment to furthering the image of women in American politics?

4. Is Alaska really ready for a "Mission Accomplished" declaration? The recently announced gas pipeline deal, for instance, is expected to have a major impact on the state. But it's still largely a work in progress with many key details yet to be concluded.

5. How hard would it be to raise the estimated $500,000 you say you'll need to pay for the defense of nuisance ethics complaints when you are the biggest fundraising draw in the Republican party?

Responsible journalism seeks to cut through the bullshit spin of foundering politicians and expose the true intent behind their actions. Youuuuu betcha.

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Saturday, July 4, 2009

The Fourth of July

Here's to 233 years of freedom.
Happy birthday America.

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Wednesday, July 1, 2009

Bonne FĂȘte du Canada!

Happy Canada Day!

Ah, the True North strong and free! The country of my birth! Exporter of hockey, maple syrup, the lumber that built your house, countless decent-to-great musicians, and many, many, many, many attractive women! (for more about Canadian contributions to the world, see "A Licky Boom Boom Down"! ).

Celebrate today by washing down poutine with a Molson while obsessively following the NHL free agency deadline on TSN and saying things like "Heater'll bringa Cup to the Oilers, eh?" to your mullet-doning friends! Proud to be born up there, proud to live down here! Vive le Canada!

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