Tuesday, September 29, 2009

Kids Say The Darndest Things

Raindancers, I try to be clever, but until I'm writing for this show, I'm just a wannabe. Once again, Jon says what I try to. The only difference between us is while Jon's soul has been run over repeatedly by a Mac truck over the years, steering him toward more passive tactics of exposing hypocritical alarmists for what they are with a snicker and a pun or two instead of unleashing a firestorm of smackdown with full vigor and righteousness, I still have some life left in me to pack a stronger punch. But today, as I have many times before, I defer to the most poignant political satirist of our times:

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Sunday, September 27, 2009

Someone Like You

Hayley Hayley Hayley.

New album.

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Friday, September 25, 2009

Palinize Him

I don't care what anyone says about SNL; their political satire is spot-on excellent.

The above video is provided by MediaMatters.org, which has unfortunately just became a right-wing spanking machine as opposed to a more politically balanced arbiter of the righteous smackdown. While I love exposing the likes of Beck and Hannity and Limbaugh as the thoughtless, phony, paranoid alarmists they really are, there are more than a few on the left who deserve a good shitshower every now and then.

Oh speaking of assbaths for righty nutjobs, Glenn "Stand by your convictions, America!" Beck, the panic pusher appeared to uncomfortably (for you, me, him, and Katie) hem and haw during his recent CBS Evening News interview when asked, reasonably enough, to define "white culture" and explain the reason for his confidence of the President's unrelenting disdain for it. What's the matter Glenncakes, are you afraid of losing even more advertisers by trying to vindicate your baseless, damaging assertions of racism of the same kind that Jimmy Carter rightfully got panned for?

You're a hack, Glenn. You can't even defend your idiocy within the plushy little kitten confines of a Katie Couric interview unless it's behind the sleek glass and steel desk you bloviate from in a flashy po-mo studio set replete with obligatory doomsday graphics, failed word tricks on chalkboards, and the requisite corporate-style (((GB))) branding. Glenn, next time you're in a corner haplessly attempting to defend some lunatic conspiracy you cooked up, just do what you're good at.

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Tuesday, September 22, 2009

Czar Wars

And the foot soldiers fighting them. This is what I wish I'd gotten to do on September 12th:

Via Ganging Aft Agley.

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Monday, September 21, 2009

Card Tricks

President Jimmy Carter's comments concerning the nature of opposition to President Obama, which he characterized as overwhelmingly racist, was wrong, in bad taste, and has no place in our politics. Playing the race card with such recklessness never advances one's argument.

Unless of course you're black.

Enter the Esteemed Chairman of Funk (and the RNC) Mr. Michael Steele yo yo YOO.

After loudly reprimanding President Carter for his irresponsible accusations of racism toward the political right, Mikey Steel smacked up Barry Obama and his cracka ass self (why you gotta call it da WHITE HOUSE Uncle Tom???) for keepin down the black man:

I found that to be stunning, that the White House would send word to one of only two black governors in the country not to run for re-election. And it just raised a curious point for me. I think...Governor Paterson's numbers are about the same as Governor Corzine's numbers, yet the president was with Governor Corzine.


And there you have it folks. The same bullshit race-baiting employed offensively by the left and defensively by the right, recycled and repackaged. The black chairman of the Republican National Committee has implied racist inclinations of a black president directed toward black governors. So not only does Obama hate whitey, he hates blacks too! God he HATES himself SO MUCH.

(Sorry that is so racist. Bobby Jindal is pretty much black too.)

Raindancers, follow me as I pan to camera 2 for a serious Beckian "We Have Lost Our Sense of Decency in this Country" moment here.

We've lost our sense of decency in this country. We have steered so far from what our own God -fearing parents, despite their own more overt prejudices, taught us about how to treat one another. Time and time again, we have forgotten how to appeal to our better angels. It's time we as a nation take a deep breath and begin to learn from one another again, from both our differences and our greater similarities. To start us on this process of healing, I present to you a wonderful educational video prepared by our favorite morning people at Fox & Friends, on which they discuss an important recent event in the history of black-white relations. Let's watch together:

I know you, as I do, feel so much better having watched that, especially in times like these, when a white man can call a black man a liar with impunity and a black man can rape a white underage female country singer in front a live audience.

There is so much to learn from the above video, but I'll begin with a few points.

0:06 - Just witness the seering, fucking righteous anger of host and Neo-Nazi Brian Kilmeade (right). I think we all feel what he feels.

0:30 - The "pimp's" observation is quite astute. "Silly Fox & Friends, pimping is for black people!"

0:35-0:56 - Host Steve Douchey er, Doocy's brief description of the scenario reveals his innocent ignorance about the "goings on" of "pimpdaddys" and "ho-sugars" and "dimebags" and "streetbeats." Steve Doocy is a family man. Steve Doocy is wholly unfamiliar with all that "dillywally."

1:01 - Gosh black people are such clever lawbreakers!

1:31 - "Hehehehe but you don't ACTUALLY work for Fox News hehehe, cuz, cuz, HAHA, cuz we only employ one pimp at a time!"

2;00 - I'm drawing a moral equivalence between your grandma's chinchilla and the cold-blooded murder of a Kodiak bear. Which are related to BLACK BEARS.

2:19 - "That's who THESE PEOPLE are." "Yeah." THESE PEOPLE.

Okay on second thought all of that was so fucking racist. If only there were someone to make enough noise about it...

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Wednesday, September 16, 2009

Bust This Nut

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The Senate voted on Monday to deny further funding to ACORN. No doubt many have already tried to paint this as somehow a problem of the Democrats or Obama's causing, especially after the accusations of voter registration fraud during last year's election. The Census Bureau and the Department of Housing and Human Services however have partnered with ACORN since 1994, hence funding has been re-appropriated for many years under Republican and Democratic-controlled Congresses. Regardless, an investigation into the legality of both the conduct of ACORN employees of the "undercover agents" in these offices is a foreseeable and appropriate consequence. This isn't the first time corruption has benefited from taxpayer money, and unfortunately it will not be the last.

UPDATE 09/18/09: On Thursday, September 17, the House joined the Senate in stripping funding from ACORN. But Rep. Jerry Nadler (D-NY), chairman of the subcommittee on the Constitution, adds a very interesting and perhaps disconcerting twist to this story. In his speech on the House floor, Nadler argued the actions taken by the House and Senate were unconstitutional:

A little while ago, the House passed an amendment to the bill that we were considering that says no contract or federal funds may ever go to ACORN, a named organization, or to any individual or organization affiliated with ACORN. Unfortunately, this was done in the spirit of the moment and nobody had the opportunity to point out that this is a flat violation of the Constitution, constituting a Bill of Attainder. The Constitution says that Congress shall never pass a Bill of Attainder. Bills of Attainder, no matter what their form, apply either to a named individual or to easily ascertainable members of a group, to inflict punishment. That’s exactly what this amendment does.

It may be that ACORN is guilty of various infractions, and, if so, it ought to be vetted, or maybe sanctioned, by the appropriate administrative agency or by the judiciary. Congress must not be in the business of punishing individual organizations or people without trial.

This Constitutional conundrum brings back the recent memory of the AIG bonus scandal, in which the House, in acting like a bunch of little kids rushing home to their parents to show they got on A on their homework, passed a wildly unconstitutional retroactive tax to recoup the taxpayer money, a measure that never came to a vote in the Senate. While I was not aware there existed a subcommittee on the Constitution, I'm both pleased and dismayed simultaneously upon learning of its existence; I am pleased such a subcommittee can dedicate itself to ensuring the respect and adherence to the Constitution, but dismayed that such a subcommittee would have to exist in the first place assuming members of Congress are expert lawmakers with a thorough and deep knowledge of the powers enumerated to them through that document.

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In the spirit of presidential profanity, my contribution to Politiclolz.com:

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Tuesday, September 15, 2009


Shame on ABC News' Terry "Twitter > My Journalistic Integrity" Moran for twatting this OTR comment to the Tworld. Review the code, good sir.

Furthermore, shame on the President for even daring to have the same normal, casual conversation millions of Americans engaged in by their office coffee machines. He should only be talking about lowering my taxes and KILLING TERRORISTS GOSH.

In a related story, the advocacy group Justice for Jackasses struck a disappointed tone in its chastising letter to the President issued yesterday.

Hat tip TMZ (ick) via Politico.

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Saturday, September 12, 2009

Advanced Citizenship

Quotes and reports from the event:

"'Ladies and gentlmen, welcome to Waterloo!' Sen. Jim DeMint (R-SC) said to the cheering crowd, referencing his July remark that health care reform could be Obama's Waterloo."

"'Friends, this is a critical battle for the heart and soul of America, and for freedom itself,' said DeMint. 'Freedom fighters are outnumbered in Congress, but not in America. If you continue to stand up and speak out, we will save freedom in America.'" (Politico)

"'The President has warned us if we disagree with him, he's going to call us out,' DeMint said. 'Well, Mr. President, we are out.'" (Fox News)

(What the President said: "I won't stand by while the special interests use the same old tactics to keep things exactly the way they are. If you misrepresent what's in this [health care reform plan], we will call you out." And did Jim DeMint just come out?)

"Pulling out a pocket-sized copy of the Constitution, [Rep. Mike Pence (R-IN)] said that while he'd be happy if lawmakers read bills in full, 'I'd be happy if some of them read this a little more often'--adding "nowhere in the Constitution can you find the word 'czar.''" (Politico)

(He's right, I looked. Still trying to find "Republican Party" too--no luck)

"Although the Tea Party Express tour was funded by Our Country Deserves Better, a conservative political action committee, Williams said his organization is nonpartisan and that the rallies are not aimed at one politician over another, namely Obama. 'This is not people upset over one particular politician or one particular party,' Williams has said. 'In fact, if you ask the Republicans in the crowd, you'll find they are just as upset at their party as they are at the Democrats.'" (CNN)

Some sample signage from today's nonpartisan, pro-America, anti-government, anti-tax, pro-government, anti-socialism, pro-Joe Wilson, anti-ACORN, pro-freedom, anti-czar, pro-Jesus, anti-fascism, pro-health care, anti-health care, pro-Glenn Beck, anti-Democrat, pro-Republican, anti-Republican, by-no-means-an-Obama-shit-fest 9/12 American unity national grassroots rally:


"Obama: The Greatest Communist President We Have Ever Had"

"Hey ObamaCare: HANDS OFF"


"Congressman Wilson is CORRECT!!"

"JESUS is the MESSIAH, not Obama"

"Obama's nuts that's why he's involved with ACORN"

"No nanny state"

"Public option is the death of freedom"

"Obamacare makes me sick"

"Where's the birth certificate?"

"You Lie!"


[Image of Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.]: "I Have a Dream"
[Image of President Obama]: "We got a NIGHTMARE"

[Image of American and Soviet flags]: "WHICH ONE DID YOU VOTE FOR?"

[Image of Obama as The Joker]: "SOCIALISM"

[Image of Obama as Che Guavera]: "STOP the MARCH to SOCIALISM"

[Image of Obama, crossed out]

[Obligatory Obama-Hitler image]

A classic: "I'll keep my guns, freedom, & money...You can keep the change!"

A personal favorite: "Glenn Beck for President!"

And finally, an American flag, treated with the upmost respect and dignity it deserves and that our veterans have fought for in times of truly dire distress and extreme danger, flown upside down as a sign of "dire distress."

America isn't easy. America is advanced citizenship. You've gotta want it bad, because it's gonna put up a fight. It's gonna say, 'You want free speech? Let's see you acknowledge a man whose words make your blood boil, who's standing center stage and advocating at the top of his lungs that which you would spend a lifetime opposing at the top of yours.' You want to claim this land as the 'Land of the Free?' Then the symbol of your country cannot just be a flag. The symbol also has to be one of its citizens exercising his right to burn that flag in protest. Now show me that, defend that, celebrate that in your classrooms. Then you can stand up and sing about the 'Land of the Free.'

-The American President

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Tuesday, September 8, 2009

I Don't Drink and Vote

The unedited (better) version of my op-ed in this morning's edition of The GW Hatchet:

I’m not sure what other contributors to this column may be drinking, but in response to the question posed here last Thursday “Are we hung over from Obama-mania yet?” I must say I don’t remember ever being drunk.

It seems some individuals will deny the fact that the election of a person whose campaign gave hope to millions could cause such a (joyful and euphoric, not “drunken” or “mob” like) ruckus as the one witnessed last November on this campus. While I for one felt an overwhelming sensation of patriotic pride while belting “The Star-Spangled Banner” outside the White House with my fellow citizens (sorry, socialist America-haters), I guess such revelry doesn’t sit well with some people who would much rather stay in their dorm rooms brooding over their defeat, hatching plans to bring down the Obama scourge.

The clear-eyed, level-headed Republicans who warned us all of our impending doom at the hands of Obama now claim that America is “waking up” from the trance-like stupor Barack the Magician hypnotized us into last summer. But remember when the previous president’s numbers began to slip as he started making tough choices with big consequences? He was proudly hailed as The Decider who was uninterested in his popularity but rather in doing what was necessary and right to strengthen America. Today, those same heroic defenders point to this president’s lower approval numbers as an unmistakable sign that the country is finally getting over the “hysteria” of “Obama-mania.”

And while most of us are too young to remember, a quick study of political history will remind us that when two Republican presidents won the youth vote resoundingly in the 1980s, young voters were considered savvy, intelligent, and energetic by the same people who mock, insult, and dismiss our generation’s political motivations today.

These same sages (who have the impeccable track record during the past eight years of advocating for bad policies and supporting Miss South Carolina for vice president) exercised such admirable caution in their unappeasable opposition to the economic stimulus package, which they consider a failed initiative that has had a “negligible” impact on the economy. But as the Wall Street Journal and others have recently reported, the stimulus money spent so far has actually helped stabilize the economy and the promise of more funding may spur two to three percentage points of economic growth over the next year. The truth is Republicans bet on this plan failing and lost; as the economy continues to recover, their supposedly sensible “nay” votes ring hollow.

The Wise Ones have also highlighted the apparent hypocrisy of a once “anti-war” candidate reengaging the fight in Afghanistan. But what they fail to remember is that this president did not run an anti-war campaign. Barack Obama, who while in the minority opposed the misguided war in Iraq, promised to responsibly reduce combat forces in that country while simultaneously re-committing troops to the “war of necessity” in Afghanistan. Us “anti-war liberals” didn’t vote for Barack Obama because he was anti-war, but rather because he was anti-the wrong war. We voted for him because in his opposition to the wrong war, he demonstrated sound and, one would say, wise judgment.

Those who understood candidate Obama and his positions still strongly support President Obama and his decisions. I don’t feel duped or cheated, and if I ever feel hung over it’s likely due to my choice of beverages, not political candidates. Some say it’s the spiked Obama-Aid talking, but I hate to break this to them; my support and continued support of this president was and still is stone-cold sober.

-Eshawn Rawlley, a senior majoring in political science, is the President of The Enosinian Society and a member of the GW College Democrats

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Monday, September 7, 2009

It's Happening

America, it's already happening.

Even before the President's mindrays are unleashed upon our innocent youth tomorrow afternoon, the ungodly damage they will inevitably cause has already manifested itself in the most chilling, horrifying manner.

Second Rain recently reported on an eleven year-old elementary student from Florida named Damon Weaver who had the opportunity to interview President Obama in the White House. But what this young child thought was a chance of a lifetime has proven to be, as evidenced by the video about to be shown to you, a coerced rebooting of his all too vulnerable brain. As we can see from the clinical video below, young Damon has experienced the complete cessation of his higher thought functions and has seemingly involuntarily subjugated his will to an outside Control; little Damon Weaver, once so full of vigor and life, has succumbed to class 1A Hopeandchangeitis. He is now and forever more an Obama-zombie (Obambie).

See for yourself how Evil has twisted this youth's mind, re-molded its malleable gray matter, and converted it into a servant of its new presidential master:

Notice how the Obambie first viciously attacks a former American president and then recycles the same word offered by Secretary of Re-education Arne Duncan to describe the Resistance.

Looking into Damon's hollowed, lifeless eyes, devoid of any color and light, I realize how futile, how "silly" our struggle has been. The mindplague is already upon us. May God help us all.

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Sunday, September 6, 2009

Don't Let This Man Near Your Children

Speech-to-schoolkids-gate has become one of those hilariously hyperbolic controversies that exposes how direly spazzed out everyone really is. Here's the story: President Obama is giving a nice little pep talk to our nation's kids this Tuesday. You know, the usual "do good' and "try hard" and "bow to my will" rap. Many kids are just totally effing stoked to hear the President talk to them, and many, many more are just totally effing stoked to get out of class for like, anything. But wait! Some angry teachers and parents didn't like how mean Obama beat good old Grandpa McCain and his lady friend and gave a bunch of money to poor people who don't like to work. So they're all like no way no how am I gonna let my kids listen to that pedophile Obama. And the kids are like well fucking now I'll have to do my math homework, THANKS MOM AND DAD GOSH.

But there's more. Glenn "I Just Can't Hammer in the Last Nail in the Other Hand""Chicken Little" Beck is urging parents to pull their sweet darling freedom-loving kids out of school in protest of the president's speech I mean Hitler Youth rally. To which the kids are like fucking SWEET. The chairman of the Florida Republican Party courageously rushed to the defense of little 3rd graders from the Emperor's attempt to "indoctrinate America's children to his socialist agenda." His efforts are a patriot's burden, and his words resound so clearly in the name of Liberty that it bears a blockquote:

The idea that school children across our nation will be forced to watch the President justify his plans for government-run health care, banks, and automobile companies, increasing taxes on those who create jobs, and racking up more debt than any other President, is not only infuriating, but goes against beliefs of the majority of Americans, while bypassing American parents through an invasive abuse of power.

So that's what's going on in Crazyland America right now. Millions are unemployed, a national debate on health care reform rages on, the nation is fighting two tolling wars, and we stop talking about all that shit to discuss whether or not Obama will try to mindfuck little Susie using the Kenyan Death Eye.

As always, Second Rain, standing under the tree of wisdom, tries to collect the raindrops, however acid-soaked, and extract from them meaning, reason, reflection, and yes, perspective. Providing such perspective often requires a little time traveling.

In the past, a president decided to make a speech to the school-going youth of the nation. He wanted to send a message to school kids that reminded them of the importance and purpose of what they were doing. He wanted to remind them how important not only staying in school was, but also trying hard, striving for achievement, and demanding excellence from their instructors. And so he did just that. The President made a speech in the middle of the afternoon that was broadcast nationally so schools, and students, across the country could tune in.

At the time, many politicians who supported this president supported his decision to reach out to school kids directly. One such pol, then the House whip of his party, said "Why is it political for the president of the United States to discuss education? It was done at a nonpolitical site and was beamed to a nonpolitical audience. They wanted to reach the maximum audience with the maximum effect to improve education." To which president was this man referring? Carter? Clinton? Mussolini?

George H.W. Bush?

And what's more, it was Newt Gingrich who defended this inappropriate invasive intrusion into the American student psyche?

"The Department of Education should not be producing paid political advertising for the president, it should be helping us to produce smarter students," said then Rep. Richard Gephardt (D-MO). "And the president should be doing more about education than saying, 'Lights, camera, action.'" Ha! A Demoncrat ATTACKING Bush Sr. for doing exactly what this President is about to do!

And there you have it folks. Behold the amnesic fickleness of American politics. It's worth noting, despite the apparent hypocrisy on both sides of the aisle, that when Democrats criticized President Bush's address to students, they levied said criticism to advance the cause of increasing federal resources to public schools. When Republicans attacked the current president over his speech to little kids, they called him a socialist mind ninja. The hypocrisy is universal, but what is not equal is the tenor of and the degree to which this hypocrisy is exuded.


UPDATE: It appears as if I have (once again) underestimated the hypocrisy and selective histories innate to our politics: further research by Second Rain has revealed that some influential Democrats opposed to President Bush's speech to students in 1991 tried to lead a witch hunt of sorts through the General Accountability Office to determine whether or not Bush's address violated any laws concerning the use of taxpayer money. It did not, and the Dems put a sock in it.

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Wednesday, September 2, 2009

Glory Stimulus

As Politico44 wrote, this is "a headline the White House can love."

An article in the Wall Street Journal entitled "U.S. Economy Gets Lift From Stimulus" details the extent to which government programs like the stimulus package (ARRA) and the Fed-administered stress tests of the nation's largest banks have helped not only stablize the contraction of the economy but have added "two to three percentage points to economic growth in the second and third quarters when measured at an annual rate."

The article even highlights a debate within the economic community over--get this--which government program has been most effective at reversing the recession.

The Journal cites Goldman Sachs & Co. economists' predictions of a 3.3% growth rate in the third quarter: "without that extra stimulus, we would be somewhere around zero."

Not all is so rosy of course; the economy still has a long way to go before the White House can even consider waving the recovery flag. But what they can say is this: they moved swiftly to push for the passage of a major and yes, massive economic stimulus plan under a barrage of criticisms of wasteful spending and reckless money-tossing. They did so with the knowledge that the effect of the stimulus package, passed in February, would be delayed, exposing them to further criticism of having passed a useless bill with a $787 million price tag. But having heeded the advice of the world's best economists, President Obama and congressional Democrats knew a large and robust stimulus operation would be the only way to prevent a downward deflationary spiral from sucking all life out of the economy and precipitating a significant, painful, and unprecedentedly large contraction. And they passed such a package over the loud "nos" of the party which helped in many ways to create the economic crisis we were staring down six months ago. Now the Wall Street Journal, ever the critic of the White House, is reporting on signs of economic recovery created by the very program Republicans politicized with vehement and continued opposition. While it's still early, it's beginning to appear like this plan was the right call for the White House and opposing it was the wrong call for the other side.

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