Sunday, February 21, 2010

Dual Citizen

USA captain Jamie Langenbrunner scores the game winning goal over Canadian goalie and New Jersey Devils teammate Martin Brodeur

My heart knows not what to do. 

I left Canada, the country of my birth, at age five, so my allegiance to the Truth North strong and free, though it persisted in an exuberant "that's where I'm from!" kind of way, never truly blossomed into full-blown Canuck patriotism. However, one link that was forged during my short time in the suburbs of Toronto was strong enough to endure (besides my jus soli citizenship) the move to the United States, and it's one that remains with me today: hockey (and writing the word "check" as "cheque," though I assure you all this habit has since fallen out of practice). And ever since my move the U.S. (especially as I have come to age in this country) I have not only adopted its customs, lifestyle, culture, and eventually citizenship, but have immersed myself in its history, origins, values, and politics. Accordingly, I have always cheered on my country, the United States of America, in in sports and all other endeavors while reserving quiet pride for our northern neighbors, my original countrymen (and many of my own family), and their achievements.  But when it came to hockey, I have never for a moment questioned what team I stood behind; Hockey Canada is still, despite its under-achievements and disappointments, the greatest hockey program in the entire world, and the teams it produces serve as the tangible manifestation of the aforementioned link to my second home.

Nevertheless, tonight's epic match-up between these two teams, one of which is burdened with the biggest expectations since a black man won something over a year ago, the other just pining for a chance to prove their own worth, tugged at my heartstrings. Seeing the outcome only complicated things further. Knowing how much this sport and this team means to the host nation, I was saddened and frustrated by their loss.  Seeing the scrappy, underdog, hustle'n'bustle American team upset a giant, I felt a swell of pride and joy. One moment I was wincing watching the goalie of my Devils (and the best in the world) Martin Brodeur get scored on, and the next moment I was smiling hearing the crowd chant "USA! USA!"  One moment I was pumping their air seeing Ryan Miller make another divine, out-of-this-world save, and the next moment I was staring up at the ceiling in frustration with the Canadian shooters. I felt weird not wanting the Americans to succeed, but in the end I was and am so proud of my country.  I realize this wasn't even a quarterfinal game and I'm writing about it as if it were the gold medal decider.  But this was still a very special game for American hockey fans and the country as a whole, and I only hope more casual fans who watched tonight's game will be encouraged to become full-fledged fans of the greatest sport on earth.  Tonight was a great night for hockey.

Hopefully tonight's loss to the Americans (as the near-loss to the Swiss was clearly not) served as a humbling wake up call for the star-studded Canadian squad while galvanizing a young, energetic American team seeking glory beyond what they're told their due.  I also hope we get a rematch in the gold medal game. And though I'm immensely happy for my country tonight, I know who I'll still be rooting for.  I'm content to see America dominate the gold medal count save for one sport.

Step into the rain:

Thursday, February 18, 2010


President Ford cutting taxes with a phone call

President Bush leading a prayer group after waterboarding a jihadi 

President Obama fucking the corpse of Betsy Ross in the bum while snapping the head of a bald eagle and tearing out its still beating heart.

BFD. God knows how much Arkansas Billy DNA is splashed over that thing.

All this demonstrates (yet again) is the unappeasable minority that exists in this country, led by people like Beck, cannot help but despise everything this president does simply because he does it.  Tax cuts for 95% of Americans? Psh, socialist tax cuts. He supports a deficit reduction panel co-sponsored by seven Republicans? Nevermind, better vote nay, lest they appear to agree with him. Deficit spending? Tongues that were held still while the last guy made it a crippling hobby are now flying while this guy tries to jump start an economy left in free fall.  Trying detained alleged terrorists in criminal courts?  Reckless, dangerous "lawyering up" of evildoers entirely inconsistent with the successful prosecution of combatants under the previous administration which...tried alleged terrorists in criminal court.  And remember when he BOWED to that Nazi Saudi?!? Well at least he didn't host him at his ranch while holding his hand.  The unappeasable opposition believes that nearly everything this president has done with regards to the economy, the budget, homeland security, and any other aspect of managing the country has been wholly unprecedented.  Across the board, you will find traces of the narrative conservatives have created that this president, already suspected of being not truly American, is transforming this country into something not truly American (See: Mitt Romney's CPAC speech this afternoon. Scratch that. See CPAC in general). But in fact, the unprecedented nature of the circumstances this country, and their "movement," find themselves are what these people are really reacting to, not the actual policies of the president. And that is precisely what people like Glenn Beck are. Reactionary hacks.  Honestly Glenn, you didn't think any other president put his goddamn feet up? Nixon? Roosevelt? Polk? Really, you're smarter than this. Right?

Hat tip Media Matters.

Step into the rain:

This Kid Nauseates Me

I sincerely wish him a successful career. But dear God do I want to punch him in the balls. Liberal or conservative, no fourteen year old should be allowed to speak like this spitmouth monkey wrench midget without receiving an atomic wedgie on a gym locker in return. Krohn's disease afflicts DC & CPAC:

Via Politico Click.

Step into the rain:

Monday, February 15, 2010

A Long Time Ago...

In a basement in Maryland, a man rediscovered his childhood...

All thanks to his Valentine, Marissa. The Force is strong with this one...

Step into the rain:

Sir, You Need To Check Your Bags. Of Fat.

Tops on my always heavy-hitting, hard news CNN headline feed was this article detailing writer/actor/director/comedian/awesome New Jersey Devils fan Kevin Smith's recent ordeal with the always PR-conscious Southwest "Bags Fly Free Unless They're Attached at Your Waist via Fatty Tissue" Airlines. Apparently Mr. Smith's, er, largess forced the Southwest flight attendants to request he deboard the plane, on which only one seat (his) remained. This is a big fat hefty chunky jelly-filled bag of cow lard. Kevin Smith will be and has been the first to admit to the abundance of luscious ladylumps south of his neckline. And as the article details he usually purchases two tickets when traveling for comfort and privacy's sake.  But his size surely does not warrant this practice. When airlines announced they'd be charging fat people twice, that was fine by me; unless the passenger can provide documentation that he or she is afflicted with a genetic condition or any other circumstances that contribute to his or her obesity other (discounting the checkbox for "Cheesesteaks") they ought to fully bear the cost to the airline and other passengers' comfort and safety to fly their fat asses to San Diego (See: negative externalities).  But stopping a not-abnormally hefty Kevin Smith from boarding a flight?  Look at the guy, he's not any bigger than your average run-of-the-mill big American dude.  Let's reserve the Buy a Second Seat, Tubs policy to the morbidly obese and Heidi Montag. That's right I said it, Heidi Montag is so fucking fat.

Truth be told, I only chose to write about Kevin Smith because of the shirt he's wearing in this picture on the article page. This should serve as a clue to all those who wish to make SR. (credit: Getty Images)

Step into the rain:

Wednesday, February 10, 2010

Day 5: The Cold Wind

February 10, 2010

Dear Love,

We are now several moons into the snow Armageddon as prophesied by the oracle Accuw Eather. We have exhausted our resources; no one for miles can deliver pizza, our DVDs are old and watched, and we cannot leave our quarters for fear of being consumed by the great White Beast before reaching Maile Boxe. No man dares to brave the wicked Hail. This place upon this hill, once so fair and good and perfect for outside barby-quews, is now a looming multi-roomed, heated, furnished, admittedly well-stocked prison. My mind and body are weak but my soul persists; it is only you that returns my consciousness to the Here and Now, and to the urgency of Living. I long for you. I fear I shall never return to Washingtonne to behold your beauty, leave alone attend to my papers on Hill Capitol. But if this icy Wrath doth end and Mother Nature's vengeful prerogative be fulfilled, I shall lay down my bottle of Dogfish Ale, take a short nappe, and emerge from this thawed dungeon as a spring flower blooms.  For now, I have enclosed a painting below. I see only your face in the white.


Vue de la Park Ridge du Mont Rawlley
Clark's Burgh, Mary Land

Step into the rain:

Gibbs FTW

It's okay Sarah sweetie, just next time you have a presentation due, stop at the school store and pick up these.

Step into the rain:

Tuesday, February 9, 2010


Walking to Union Station from work today while dodging a steady barrage of soft fluffywhite snow bullets, I did a double take on the south side of the Russell Senate office building:

Astute RD's are already shaking their heads saying "no way!"  Yes, it was in fact the Browntown Cruiser, the Teabaggin' Wagon, the Big Green Change You Can Believe In Machine, newly sworn-in Senator Scott Brown's famed PICKUP TRUCK!

I recognized it instantly.  The stickers and the number 28 Massachusetts plates matched.  Years from now, when this beautiful four wheel drive GMC Canyon is parked for all eternity a few blocks away at the American History Museum, canonized as a bonafide piece of Americana, I can say I almost touched it but for fear of Capitol Police. Amazing. An American hero rode this baby to victory (in so many ways. I mean, God knows how much sex he's had in the back of this thing).




UPDATE: Wonkette hat tips SR!

Step into the rain:

Monday, February 8, 2010

Hired Gun

In the midst of Snowmaggedon, the Super WHO DAT Bowl, and drinking heavily as a result of both, I forgot to menton,




Gave up Johnny Oduya Want it?, Niclas "Don't Call Me Peter" Bergfors, Patrice "Flying Elbow" Cormier, and a 1st round draft pick for a former (and hopefully future) Maurice Richard trophy winner. All this says one thing: Lou is feeling it this year. Bring it, NHL. Go Devils.

Step into the rain:

Retro Blues

I <3 the Phils, but this shirt was just too damn awesome to pass up while visiting folk in Toronto.

Step into the rain:

Sunday, February 7, 2010

Ding Dong Katrina's Dead

Warner Favre Manning Brees

This decade will be one of firsts. First for the Saints, next for the Eagles.  I am hope.

Andy Lyons/Getty Images

Step into the rain: