Friday, October 30, 2009

Perpetual Revulsion Machine

I'm a total mouthpiece for Jon Stewart. Watch him dismantle the Fox News bullhorn while mocking presumably smart people in the White House. As always, I pine for his wit:

The Daily Show With Jon Stewart
Mon - Thurs 11p / 10c
For Fox Sake!

Daily Show
Full Episodes

Political Humor
Health Care Crisis

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Thursday, October 29, 2009


Pablo Martinez Monsivais, Associated Press
Dover Air Force Base, Dover, DE October 19, 2009

O Captain! my Captain! our fearful trip is done;
The ship has weather’d every rack, the prize we sought is won;
The port is near, the bells I hear, the people all exulting,
While follow eyes the steady keel, the vessel grim and daring:
But O heart! heart! heart!
O the bleeding drops of red,
Where on the deck my Captain lies,
Fallen cold and dead.


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Wednesday, October 21, 2009

Blue Hen Battle: Joining Forces

Back in April, Second Rain reported on an event hosted by the University of Delaware featuring Steve Schmidt, former manager of Sen. John McCain's runner-up campaign, and David Plouffe, former manager of then Sen. Barack Obama's successful bid, during which both men shared the opportunity to reflect on some of the intense and sometimes animus battles fought between the two camps during last year's campaign. Both men, while finally outside of the partisan bubble they had inhabited for over a year, had kind things to say about each other, their respective campaigns, and respective former bosses (but they certainly weren't all about hand-holding and eye-gazing).

Both Schmidt and Plouffe, who I was able to meet when the Democratic operative spoke a few weeks back in the Jack Morton Auditorium at GW (and subsequently offered a Blue Hen shoutout before asking him a question about...Steve Schmidt), were both almost-alumni of the heralded Delaware school before leaving their education behind to pursue ultimately successful careers in politics. Recently, both men were able to fulfill their remaining requirements to finally obtain their degrees and are now teaming up to form a new political communications center at UD.

According to CNN's Political Ticker, or the political journalism equivalent of Politics-Lite, "The two political operatives are working together to develop a curriculum combining political science, communication, marketing, sociology, and other subjects."

"It's a privilege to get a chance to work with David and the talented women and men at the University of Delaware to help create a center that will help students study our political system and maybe inspire a few of them to participate in our nations political life," wrote Schmidt.

This is awesome. I'm sure my buddy Nelson is bummed this program wasn't around when he was a freshman at UD.

Plouffe is set to speak to students of his alma mater tonight at 7:30PM, a conversation which will be webcasted live from Mitchell Hall in Newark.

Pictures provided by CNN, University of Delaware

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Sunday, October 18, 2009

An Accurate Diagnosis

I've been looking long and hard, since the early days of this year, for a fierce yet fiercely loyal, steadfast yet not unappeasable, accurate yet debatable opposition on the right. So far, while I've seen glimmers of such hope, I've mostly found this. I'm not claiming heart surgeon and former Senator Bill Frist (R-TN) is necessarily the answer, especially given some of his past statements. But this sure does sound like a learned, reasoned man, the same who bucked his own party's ideological grandstanding over stem-cell research in favor of science and knowledge.  And it looks like he's doing the same with health care reform:

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Wednesday, October 14, 2009


Remember this cute little doozy in the pages of your WaPo a few weeks back? Adorable. While we're recalling recent MASS UPRISINGS against tyranny, which somehow formed a huge, wide, gaping hole in the liberal media's coverage, remember that gay rights march on the Mall a few days back? You know, the one that brought out tens of thousands of people to protest the policies of our government and bring a voice to those being ignored or being told to shut up? I'm talking about the National Equality March that took place in our nation's capital this weekend. Given the media field day over the September 12 Tea Party protest, you'd be sure all the major news networks would have sent reporters and camera crews to cover the event. And you'd definitely be sure that the network most dedicated to covering the news of Real America, the network not in tune with the elitist snobbery of Washington highbrow circles but with the American people, the network most committed to providing a voice to these good and hardworking people who are struggling to be heard, the network which has prided itself since its inception of being entirely fair and perfectly balanced in its coverage, you'd be sure this network would expend all of its resources to cover this important event framed within a seminal time in contemporary American history.

Today's forecast is a torrential hail of hypocrisy, my friends.  Read the very bottom of that add up above.  Let them defend this:

The Daily Show With Jon Stewart
Mon - Thurs 11p / 10c
Queer and Loathing in D.C.

Daily Show
Full Episodes

Political Humor
Ron Paul Interview

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Monday, October 12, 2009

"Anywhere You Wanna Put It, Max."

A while back, during its nascent days, Second Rain launched a soon-to-be-defunct running series entitled "Attractive Anchors & Cutie Correspondents," a monthly piece designed to bring you to, the rain-soaked reader, the names, backgrounds, and loads of pictures of various hottie journalists and TV personalities whom we all love to love. While the series fell out of favor with studio executives with difficult budgeting decisions to make, it appears the one story SR was able to run was on to something:

How fortuitous that the first two questions had a flushed, breathless hostess say the words "stroke," "wet," "hole," "finger," and "doggie." God bless the Navy. And bless you, Meredith.

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Thursday, October 8, 2009

Monday, October 5, 2009

Busting Nuts With Protection

I could complain about the annoying proliferation of "non-celebrity celebrities" in our pop culture, but this is just too damn good. Besides, a man wise enough to tattoo his own last name on his forearm is a man I admire. I can't wait for him to replace Brett Favre in those rugged jeans ads ("guess what brand of denim Levi Johnston wears during his mud football pickup games?")

I want his T-shirt. Except it would say "Real America."

Via Adam Beck.

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Friday, October 2, 2009

One Step Back for America, One Giant Leap For the GOP

Our President is an apologist who lacks the courage and backbone to stand up for America and her principles and interests abroad. He also has no business flying to Copenhagen with his wife, risking his esteem and clout, to advocate fiercely and passionately for America on the high-stakes global stage that is the International Olympic Committee deliberations.

Our President is trying to do too much, shoving his maniacal "change" agenda down the throats of the American people with breakneck pace.  Unless of course he flies to Copenhagen to try to bring a great honor to America in which case he is the laziest, most irresponsible, most derelict president in the history of our nation and that includes that fucker Van Buren.

This is this judgment of the right-wing noisemakers to whom this President can do absolutely, positively no good.  This is the judgment of the "unappeasable opposition."

One would think most Americans would put politics aside to rally behind their leader and his earnest efforts to bring the glory of the greatest games on earth to the greatest country on earth. One would presume too much of some people.

"He's the president of the United States, not the mayor of Chicago," said House Minority Leader John Boehner (R-Loompaland). You're right Congressman, he was only elected by the country, not Chicago, dur!

“The first lady should have been the 'lead' here,” Esteemed Chairman of the RNC Michael "Where's The Fire?" Steele said. “Let her go and sell Chicago.” Exactly, Mike. This is just the kind of insignificant, womanly, "cute" idea that can best be handled by a chic. Like redecorating the powder room.

“If [health care] is that important, Mr. President, then stay home and get it done." Ah, nicely done Steelman. I see what you did there. But why, pray, would you care to "rush" health care reform?

A few more samples of conservative glee and joy over America's loss:

RedState's Erick Erickson: "Hahahahaha. I thought the world would love us more now that Bush was gone. I thought if we whored ourselves out to our enemies, great things would happen. Apparently not. So Obama's pimped us to every two bit thug and dictator in the world, made promises to half the Olympic committee, and they did not even kiss him."

Hahahahaha America sucks SO MUCH!

Limbaugh: "[This is] the worst day of his presidency."

A case to be made, except when you've decreed every day of the past seven months with the same title, the effect is muted.  Sorta like how even though you've lost 80 pounds, you're still 240 pounds of douche.

Hannity: "Gang violence in Chicago leaves a teenager dead, and the shocking events are caught on tape. Should the President be pushing to bring the Olympics to this city?"

A child was assaulted by a larger classmate on a playground in Washington, DC. Should Obama be condoning such hate by LIVING there? A man was mugged on a street in Manhattan. Why did Obama CHOOSE to go to college there? Hawai'i is a hotbed of violent volcano eruptions. SHOULD OBAMA BE ENDORSING VOLCANOES BY (ALLEGEDLY) BEING BORN THERE????

Malkin: "Goodbye, 'Yes We Can.' Hello, 'No, You Can’t.' Like Icarus, President Obama’s giddy ego flight has ended with melted wax and fallen wings. This is a big win and a massive relief for taxpayers."

Yes we can revel as our president crashes to earth like a mythical Greek character while we stand on top of the flag in our earned victory over the Obamalympics!  And if your pride is still hurting in a recession that has already shaken it to the core, just think of all the taxes you won't have to pay that you likely wouldn't have had to pay anyway!

Beck: "[It cost] approximately $1.2 million to fly Air Force One over to Copenhagen and it will spew over a million pounds of CO2 into the atmosphere, while at the same time [Obama] lectures us on carbon emissions."

$1.2 million is a quite a bit less than the amount of advertising revenue Glenn's variety show, on which quite a bit of hot air is emitted, has lost since July.

"Obama's just going to Copenhagen to find out commie ways to make Americans HAPPY LIKE THE DANISH."

Unattributed, but I'm sure somebody said it.

Yes folks, while the President and his wife and his wife's wife Oprah went to Copenhagen to appeal to the all-powerful IOC to award the 2016 games to the Windy City, displaying not only a deep and abiding affection for their home city but immense pride and love for country, conservatives back home were busy actively rooting against not only an American president but an American city in America full of Americans.

That's right, they wanted to watch the good ol' USA fail on the world stage. But why? These flag-waving bloodbrothers, true patriots, broad-breasted Americans, hearty and proud, heirs to Washington and Jefferson, defenders of liberty and justice, have always rooted for America in all of her endeavors, whether it be her bids for the Olympic Games, her quests into the depths of space, her pursuit of innovation and prosperity, or her carpet bombing of Somali villages. Why do they now stand so unified in opposition to bringing the aura, prestige, wonder, and excitement of the Olympics to America to give new life to the Second City and restore and strengthen the pride we share in our country?  Simple: because Obama wanted it. That alone was enough to make them despise the notion.

When President Obama delivered his speech to the Muslim world in Cairo in May, he was blasted by the right for appeasing terrorists. When he spoke to French and German students about American relations with Europe, it was dubbed the "Apology Tour." But when this president stood up as a champion of America before the world (as he always has), he was told by these same ethnocentric chest-beaters to take a seat. I for one would rather my president serve as our greatest, most active ambassador to the world, exhibiting what is best about our country and promoting it with conviction and pride yet touched with humility and grace. And I would rather my president take a large risk to do so, leave his reputation and name on the line, take a shot for my country, than to sit back and let a weaker advocate take his place. That's the kind of leadership I expect from my president. I root for America, not for a political party. Curious how the people who wrongly accused me of doing just the opposite just a few years ago are inexcusably guilty of it now.

Step into the rain:

Thursday, October 1, 2009

Detained Terrorists Pay Less Than Future-Ninjas

A while back, Second Rain reported on the blatant and shameless NIMBYism exhibited by members of Congress with regards to relocating Guantanamo Bay detainees to their home states. SR also reported on the courageous and patriotic city of Hardin, MT whose city council voted to request the transfer of detainees into their 400+ bed yet criminally underused (!) Two Rivers Regional Detention Facility. SR endorsed this great idea, which would have provided a boost to the local economy by creating more jobs (the detention of alleged terrorists benefiting American capitalism: Score USA) for the downtrodden town.  This transfer of prisoners would not only justify the construction and superfluous funding of an empty tax-eating prison complex but would assist with the important task of shutting down Gitmo, serving justice, and bolstering American security.

Or we could just turn over the 50-acre facility to a secretive crack security paramilitary agency with a penchant for arriving at their destination in a dramatic manner characterized by various Hollywood depictions of black, tinted-window foreign luxury automobile motorcades so they can (after acquiring 5,000 more acres of sandbox) shoot big guns and play cops and robbers and blow shit up. For ten years.

Well I certainly can't blame Hardin. Hit hard economically and looking for an infusion of cash, I'm sure plenty small towns would invite a mysterious paramilitary organization with an eerily Orwellian name into their "backyards."

By approving the deal with American Police Force Organization, a California-based private security team which offers "surveillance, investigative, and military services across the world," the city will receive $2 million, it's very own deluxe munitions site, and will be renamed "New Tikrit."  A small price to pay for the security of our homeland at the able hands of the finest men and women of our...privately contracted security cabal. It's simple really: imprisoned criminals < the A-Team. Unfortunately the latter ≠ enhanced American security.

But avert your eyes and heads from this abortion of logic and failure of reason and instead stand firm in resisting Obama's armed czar-commanded clandestine civilian corps! Fight the shadow government!

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