Friday, April 30, 2010


Everyone knows my love for Hayley knows no bounds. Neither does her ability to move me. Oh and this guy's pretty good too.

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Sunday, April 25, 2010

Seven Reasons Why This One Hurt

Springtime is no longer has happy as it was mere weeks ago. Not just because of crippling allergy attacks, but because my hockey team has been unceremoniously dismissed from the playoffs and any chance of glory.  Allow me to detail why this sucked:

1. Swift end to promising season

Although it was shocking to see this team go down to the seventh seed in just five games, astute Devils fans started to really sense trouble back at the start of the year, when the team that rolled to a 28-10-1 start in 2009 suddenly hit a wall, going .500 in January and 2-4-1 in February, their first losing month since October 2007.  The team that was able to keep pace with the rocket-strapped Capitals quickly fell behind in the Eastern arms race, using its fast start as a cushion against Pittsburgh's weak start and barely eeking out an Atlantic Division championship.  Although the acquisition of Kovalchuk fired up the fans, the on-ice magic was much more subdued (which is not to say his presence did not help as he notched 10 goals, 17 assists and was a plus-9 in 27 games).  Lameriello thought he had a championship-caliber team on his hands (as evidenced by the Kovalchuk trade). Alas.

2. End of the short-lived Kovalchuk Era

Sure, we don't know this for sure. But given the fact that the Russian sniper was essentially a loaner player for a long playoff push, and the fact that he left his first team because they weren't willing to match his salary demands (something Lou Lamoriello may have trouble doing as well), it seems the first bonafide offensive superstar to play in New Jersey in several seasons (no offense to Mr. Parise who will soon join the ranks of the truly elite scorers) will leave town for greener (read: money) pastures.
I see him fitting in nicely with Montreal or Los Angeles or perhaps Boston. Either way, I hope we sign this guy before parting with him so that we can at least get something in return. Like a wise man once said, Kovy is a fucking valuable thing and you don't just give it away for nothing.

3. Third first round exit in three years

As the top seed, no less. We expect better. Enough said.

4. The fucking Flyers

The hated down-the-Turnpike division rivals. Since rallying back from a 3-1 deficit in the Eastern Conference Finals in 2000 on our way to our second Cup win (a series that will forever be a part of Devils lore), the Flyers have handed us two first round five game exits.  I hate this team.  Add the fact that we lost to the fucking Rangers two years ago and the fucking Hurricanes, who have become somewhat of a playoff rival as of late, the past two years and I'm about ready to break someone's nose.

5. No jelly jar heroics

After a lackluster 4-1 loss in Philadelphia in Game 4, Lamoriello stormed into the visitor locker room and berated his underachieving team with a fiery I Expect Better From you speech.  At some point during this impassioned speech, the Hall of Fame general manager grabbed a jar of jelly from the post-game food spread and smashed it onto the locker room floor.  It was exactly what the doctor ordered; a kick in the ass from the Boss, an introspective moment that should have united the team and inspired them to play better and live up to the expectations of the fans, their coach, their beloved GM, and most importantly, themselves.  It could have signaled the start of a new rallying cry in New Jersey every playoffs, akin to Detroit's octopus (though tossing a jelly jar onto the ice might not have been the best thing to encourage).  Instead, the jelly jar incident just became another image of a team so lost, frustrated, and hapless under the weight of huge expectations.

6. Marty ain't no spring chicken

As much as Devils fans are reluctant to come to terms with it, the reign of Martin Brodeur as the best goaltender in the NHL is coming to an end. Not because any other goaltender in the league is better, but rather because the 37 year old future Hall of Famer around whom this team has been built since 1993 is surely set to retire within the next three or so years. It'll be hard to imagine this team without the player who has given us a reason to compete every single season since I was five years old. Every year Martin bows out this time of year is one less possible chance for a final crowning achievement, his fourth Stanley Cup ring.

7. Beckoning age of mediocrity?

A sobering thought has crept into my mind over these past three disappointing years. As a 22 year old Devils fan, I have really only known success and high expectations. Don't get me wrong, I have known heartbreak. I have seen failure. But as a young fan, I've seen my team win three Stanley Cups in four finals appearances, countless division titles, annual playoff appearances with the exception of just two seasons, and year after year of competitive hockey out of New Jersey.  But as the backbone of our team set to retire soon, and the best GM in all of sports likely to accompany him shortly afterwards, it begs the question: have the Devils entered another age of mediocrity not seen since the 1980s?  Will this team be mired in the land of low seeds and first round losses, if not consecutive seasons of not making it to the post-season. I shudder to think.

As much as this season's early end may have sucked for the reasons above, it may have a silver lining: I have no doubt Lameriello is planning a major overhaul of the team this off-season.  And though this might force us to part ways with some of my favorite players, it also exciting to bring fresh faces to the team. In the face of heartbreak, I remain hopeful.


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Tuesday, April 20, 2010

Dan Carcillo Is A Little Bitch

And he should be playing midfield for Real Madrid.

The little fuck managed to score the game winning goal on Sunday. I have faith that the Hockey Gods will restore balance to the universe and punish this behavior unbecoming of an NHLer, not to mention a man. First Sean Avery, now this tulip:


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Sunday, April 18, 2010

America & China Both Have Stars On Their Flags

Just saying. You decide.

If I didn't have Jon Stewart to make me laugh over things like this, I would just cry. I would just cry a lot.

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Friday, April 16, 2010

A Human Right

This is a short story about a woman in Washington state by the name of Janice Langbehn who lost her partner, Lisa, while unable to be at her bedside. A glimpse into just how wonky bureaucratic federal memorandums can actually, tangibly, and in this case, spiritually affect every day citizens:
Well it is no joke from the days of the West Wing that if POTUS calls, you take it. Fortunately today I had a small window of a heads up from Lambda Legal -- those people who have been in this fight for dignity since nearly the beginning.

And sure enough at 4:32 Pacific time, my cell rings, it says unknown -- I was briefed to expect that -- b/c what does the phone from Air Force 1 actually come up as? A gentleman introduced himself and asked if I had time to speak with the President. This is where I had been coached to not assume it was a crank call or a telemarketer. And sure enough the next voice I heard was the President himself. Humility surrounds me and the next 3 minutes of my life. For the past 3 years I have been speaking at large and small events -- posting here on the blog and have been saying over and over -- that holding someone's hand as they die is NOT a GAY right it's a HUMAN right -- and today -- President Barack Obama agreed with me. He knew Lisa's name, and he knew our story and offered the long awaited apology -- that Jackson Memorial STILL refuses to give -- why is that? -- the President could.

In those short minutes of speaking with our President, it was clear he got the issue, and now in reading his memorandum, he understood what happened to Lisa, the kids and I was wrong on many level - especially on the HUMAN level. None of this brings Lisa back. But what it does do -- for the next gay couple -- is that hopefully if your partner is dying you wont be locked behind a door for 8 hours as they slip from this earth and not be allowed to say goodbye.

From the Presidential Memorandum:
There are few moments in our lives that call for greater compassion and companionship than when a loved one is admitted to the hospital. In these hours of need and moments of pain and anxiety, all of us would hope to have a hand to hold, a shoulder on which to lean -- a loved one to be there for us, as we would be there for them.

Yet every day, all across America, patients are denied the kindnesses and caring of a loved one at their sides -- whether in a sudden medical emergency or a prolonged hospital stay. Often, a widow or widower with no children is denied the support and comfort of a good friend. Members of religious orders are sometimes unable to choose someone other than an immediate family member to visit them and make medical decisions on their behalf. Also uniquely affected are gay and lesbian Americans who are often barred from the bedsides of the partners with whom they may have spent decades of their lives -- unable to be there for the person they love, and unable to act as a legal surrogate if their partner is incapacitated.

For all of these Americans, the failure to have their wishes respected concerning who may visit them or make medical decisions on their behalf has real onsequences. It means that doctors and nurses do not always have the best information about patients' medications and medical histories and that friends and certain family members are unable to serve as intermediaries to help communicate patients' needs. It means that a stressful and at times terrifying experience for patients is senselessly compounded by indignity and unfairness. And it means that all too often, people are made to suffer or even to pass away alone, denied the comfort of companionship in their final moments while a loved one is left worrying and pacing down the hall.

For eight years we heard a lot about compassionate conservatism. This is compassion I can believe in.

Via The Two-Way.

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Wednesday, April 14, 2010

Chasing Glory

Spring is in the air, and I don't know about you, but the smell of freshly cut grass (which I consider the happiest scent in the world) reminds me of my beautiful old backyard in Delaware, drinks on decks, sunsets, and the STANLEY CUP PLAYOFFS.

The 2-seed Devils are taking on the hated down Turnpike rivals in Philly for the third time this decade (they're currently trailing 2-0 in Game 1 in the 3rd). Hopefully this series will be more 2001 and less 2004. And for the love of God (or the Devil) please don't let it be anything like 2009. Maybe our new toy will help us avert that fate.

"I want to win. I don't care about anything else."
-Ilya Kovalchuk

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Monday, April 12, 2010

Haley Barbour Hasn't Time For Nit

I am an uncultured slug, which is why I had no idea that in the Great Dixie, the word "diddly" is actually a Gaellic-derived concept without an exact Northern translation that essentially means "large historical paradigm which profoundly affects and defines society as a whole." Like the systematic, institutionalized enslavement of an entire race of human beings! Kewl!

The chairman of the Republican Governors Association (NAACP) Mississippi Governor Haley Michael Steele Barbour stood up for states' rights and the ghost of Robert E. Lee's horse by defending the seemingly indefensible; Virginia Governor Bob Thesis McDonnell's omission of slavery in his recent Confederate History Month proclamation.

Via CNN:

Responding to allegations that McDonnell’s omission was insensitive, Barbour said, "To me, it's a sort of feeling that it's a nit. That it is not significant, that it's not a – it's trying to make a big deal out of something doesn't amount to diddly."

"I don’t know what you would say about slavery," Barbour told CNN Chief Political Correspondent Candy Crowley, "but anybody who thinks that slavery is a bad thing – I think goes without saying."

Hear hear! No one needs to be reminded about things that clearly no one needs to be reminded of. Let's whitewash (pun!) history and talk about the good stuff, like Volkswagens and family reunions.  Anybody who would say the Rwandan genocide or Two And a Half Men are bad things that our kids need to be taught about lest they and their posterity commit the same sins as their fathers, well that person would be a damn fool because that's just obvious! It's not like we've ever repeated a mistake.

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Friday, April 9, 2010

Dropping Truth Nukes

Why, you might ask, is our modern political discourse incapable of accommodating nuanced, balanced, "third way" policy solutions to age-old problems?

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I love when the right, in granting glory to the name Reagan, inadvertently pees on it.

Speaking of a cocky young president:

Best thing he's ever said. Hands down. The best.  Still, his omission of slavery was glaring.

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Context & perspective have no place in professional journalism. God forbid the citizenry not have a readily available outlet for their pent up reactionary anger and outrage.

Maddow isn't attempting to give ACORN a fresh coat of paint by redeclaring it a bastion of all that is good and right. Rather, the point of the following exercise is to examine how far what we consider journalistic standards today have strayed from actual, ethical, academic, and yes, truthful standards that journalists currently one bad week away from a pink slip were once taught.

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Wednesday, April 7, 2010

Megyn Kelly Is So Concerned

I wish I could hold her and tell her everything will be okay.

Hat tip TPM.

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John McCain Learns Character Economics

High integrity spending devalues your soul which in turn inflates the price of your bullshit.

Anyone who once admired John McCain for his courage, pride, fierceness, integrity, principled reasoning, stick-to-your-guns attitude, and general Maverickyness, please understand that J.D. Hayworth is an over-tanned sonofabitch teabagger and John I Would Like, Never Say That McCain DOES NOT FUCKING LOSE.

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"The Mav" sells out and makes good with his inner-Kilmeresque asshole.

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