Saturday, January 30, 2010

Where Me Started

T-Dot for four days. Devils-Leafs, February 2nd, Air Canada Centre. True North strong and free.

Step into the rain:

Friday, January 29, 2010

Greater Than Less Than

I don't quit.

I quit.

Step into the rain:

Wednesday, January 20, 2010

The Cause Endures! Right?


Okay, yes, we fielded an average candidate who ran a pisspoor, arrogantly loose campaign that deserved a spanking let alone defeat. Yes, we lost dear Ted's old seat. Yes, losing this seat may jeopardize the passage of real, comprehensive health care reform, thereby putting the President's signature domestic policy piece in question. Yes, it sucks.

But my friends on the blue side, while last night may have been rough for the party, I do not believe it was bad for democracy. Nor do I believe it is bad for the party in the long-run. In fact, it may even prove beneficial.

Scott Brown ran an excellent, charismatic, fiery campaign, one that was able to fill in a vacuous political hole left by the Coakley "machine" more than it was able to tap into (as the media meme goes) the deep, seething, restless voter "anger" towards a Democratic Washington (a Rasmussen poll revealed 53% of Massachusetts voters approved of President Obama on the eve of yesterday's election). Brown deserves the win and moreover deserves to represent Massachusetts in the United States Senate, in spite of what Chris Matthews and Keith Olbermann mouth off about on air. Brown won in a blue state because the blue side didn't show up to the fight; it was figuratively and literally on vacation.

I submit however that the worst part of this loss, more so than having to endure the media's incessant over-analysis (What does this mean for the Obama presidency?? Let's discuss. Almost makes you wish for another earthqu--I'M KIDDING), exclamatory headlines ("GOP STUNS DEMOCRATS","BAYSTATE BOMBSHELL", "BROWN TEABAGS COAKLEY"), and obligatory "inside reporting" on "what went WRONG in the cradle of liberalism?", is the gloating, both tasteful and classless, of my Republican friends. Though I can't blame them, really. On the eve of the one year anniversary of Hope and Change and Love and Peace, a Democratic stronghold state (though one with a penchant for electing token Republicans) replaces the liberal lion with a pickup truck driving wholesome Republican with subtle teabaggin' tendencies who has vowed a hearty NAY to defeat Obamacare and was down by 89 points like, two weeks ago. It's Waterloo. You couldn't write this shit.

It reminds me of a similar set of circumstances that the Democratic Party found itself in three and half years ago in the fall of 2006. With Democrats finally on the verge of making real gains in a Republican-controlled Congress, a Vietnam veteran, red-turned-blue, born fightin' Democrat by the name of Jim Webb was able to defeat an arrogant (and racist) Senator George "Macaca" Allen (a man born into a legendary, regionally beloved family) in the red state of Virginia, capping off a wild Election Day in which Democrats took back both chambers in dramatic fashion. Webb's win eliminated Republican control of the Senate. It took away a majority, not just a supermajority. That had to have hurt for Bush and the GOP. The next morning, Donald Rumsfeld resigned. Message delivered.

So while Republicans gloat, Democrats must ask themselves a few quest--You know what, nevermind asking questions, I'm gonna speak to y'all. This is real talk.

STFU and stop whining. Hearing liberals whine about losing a SUPERmajority by ONE vote is akin to watching bridezillas cry over not having a cake AND a dark chocolate fudge fountain at their reception on that insufferable wedding channel. I'm sick and tired of seeing my party get so damn frazzled over a loss. I've been sick and tired of seeing Democrats jump ship and join the "I Used to Believe in Obama" bandwagon simply because it's vogue. I don't recall when losing your testicles was "in," but it seems these days if you're a Democrat and you're not morbidly depressed over your former support for an empty shell of a man who lacks the fortitude of character and moral fiber to take a shit in the morning let alone close Guantanamo Bay, you're simply still drunk from the spiked Obama-Aid. It's astonishing to me that so many supporters of the man a year ago are unable to adopt the long, broad, laser-focused, and calm viewpoint that he himself possesses and that is all too often confused for aloofness or indifference. It's the same long view that drives this President to accomplish health care reform for the betterment of the country's fiscal and physical health, even if it means losing elections in the short-term over the immediate inconsequential and ultimately forgotten turbulence of large-scale change.

What's that Democrats? You're upset that reform hasn't been passed yet? I'm sure President Obama is really sorry about that, and I'm sure he'll apologize to you once he's done dealing with the perfect storm of seemingly insurmountable problems, unachievable expectations, and an unappeasable opposition that few if any presidencies have ever had to contend with. Disappointed that more hasn't been accomplished? I'll be sure to let the President know he missed a spot while he was mopping up the mess of two wars*, the greatest economic crisis to affect the world's largest economy in seventy years*, a shark-infested pool of special interests chomping away from all sides*, mountains of debt*, hell-bent jihadists*, and a sizable portion of his own population who either does not believe he is a capitalist, an American, or both.


While Charles Krauthammer et al. continue to write competing obituaries on the infantile Obama legacy, while the election of Scott Brown in Massachusetts has signaled an epic, unstoppable sea-change that will sweep out every elected official with a "D" behind their name, while the President has yet to deliver on some of his key priorities not by any lack of effort, the people who were expected to rally around him to defend from unfair, hypocritical, and meritless criticisms have retreated and have even lowered their swords. Why? Because they didn't get an unnecessary public option? Because 30,000 more troops were sent to fight a war that was meant to be fought not forgotten? Because *GASP* deals with special interest groups were struck to accomplish a greater goal? Because unions weren't talked to nicely? And now because we squandered a chance to preserve an unhealthy and treacherous supermajority while never having to even look at a Republican again?

Bullshit. Let go of your ankles, pull your pants back up, and tell your Republican uncle you don't want to be touched like that anymore, for crying out loud. Stand up and defend what you worked so hard to enable. We are one. year. in. One year, folks. After Clinton's first year, liberal whiners wanted his head on a plate. Just. chill. Brown's election, and the subsequent losses our party is sure to take this November, should serve as a wake up call to the White House and Democrats in Congress. Stop taking shit for granted (like blue states), make more genuine efforts to gain Republican support (hard as that may be, unfortunately), meet deadlines that you set or don't set any at all, and reassure the American people that you are not governing for your sake but for theirs, lest you feel their true wrath.

I believe that as long as the GOP isn't electing ardent teabagging morons, the election of more Republicans (especially Republicans seeking re-election in liberal states like Massachusetts) will dilute the crazy, boiled-down, dumbfuck conservatism that's left in the Congress with more reasoned, moderate, respectable conservatism, one that is cooperative in its opposition (in other words, willing to compromise). I also believe that a lack of a supermajority, or the creation of necessity for more bipartisanship, will not only prove better for American democracy and for America, but will be better for Democrats. If this past year has proven anything, it's that no one party wants to be in complete power given today's difficult circumstances if it means having to shoulder the blame for everything that is going wrong. In his recent column in the Washington Post, E.J. Dionne aptly characterized quiet Republican sentiments concerning the coming to power of their counterparts during the worst economic crisis in seven decades: "It wasn't that [my Republican friend] liked Democratic policies. He just wanted the other side in charge when things came tumbling down."  Let's welcome more Republicans like Brown into the fold.  Let the American people take out their traditional anti-incumbent mood on a few vulnerable Democrats so that they feel as if they have righted the balance by diluting the one-party dominance that they have never believed to be good for our republic.  Let's write bills that gain Republican votes. Let's allow them some room to govern. For goodness sake, we have FIFTY NINE senators caucusing with us and a SEVENTY NINE seat majority in the House. I think we can spare a few seats if it means sharing more of the burden of responsibility, opening the other side to more accountability for their words and actions (which have often been nothing short of despicable as of late precisely because they fear no recourse). We will retain our majorities and retain the presidency, and after we take our lashings, we'll learn something and move on. Last night was but the tip of the whip.

When Bill Clinton's party took a drubbing in 1994, it changed his presidency for the better. We are one. year. in. One fourth of a term and one eighth of potential presidency. So,

Step into the rain:

Sunday, January 17, 2010

Monday, January 11, 2010

Material Boy

This is a brand new Fossil watch. And it's mine.

He is happy in his new home and on the arm of his new owner.

He has a black brother who is also named Fossil.  They are not confused when I call their names.

Welcome to the family.
(11:37 PM)

Thank you Marissa. <3

Step into the rain:

Tuesday, January 5, 2010

Unum Annum

My oh my what a year it has been! Second Rain has achieved what Jon Gosselin and Hailey Glassman unfortunately never could despite my weekly prayer circles: a one year anniversary! That's right RDs, the rain has been pouring here for a whole year now and is showing no signs of abating. Hopefully by now you have managed to get somewhat clean. The following timeline presents 2009: A Year in Review; headlines and events of the past year as seen from the eyes of yours truly here at SR.  Enjoy.

January 5: Second Rain debuts, offering witty analysis of and forward-thinking insight into life, art, politics, nothingness, and allness.
January 11: Emboldened by playoff win over New York Giants, SR declares Philadelphia Eagles unbeatable.
January 18: Eagles beaten.
January 18: SR praises Rep. Eric Cantor's candid, reasoned approach to stimulus legislation, believes GOP will seek to work with new president rather than obstruct.
Several Weeks Later: WTF?
January 20: Barack Hussein Obama sworn in as 44th President of the United States of America.
January 21: United States of America effectively dismantled.
January 23: Sophomore Laura Treanor passes away. GW mourns.
January 25: SR debuts new monthly series with first installment of AA-CC.
Several Months Later: Second and third installment of AA-CC runs.
February 2: In light of Crossgate, SR contributor/editor/sole operator/CEO Eshawn Rawlley attempts to offer measured response in the hopes of achieving greater clarity and harmony. Results inconclusive.
February 4: President Obama reveals penchant for nominating tax cheats, proving his criminal malice and Chicago hardball mob-rolling style. Also on this day, President demonstrates humiliating weakness, admits mistake.
February 6: SR contributor/editor/sole operator/lonely parasite Eshawn Rawlley issues captivating account from inside the world of the Dittoheads.
February 24: SR contributor/editor/sole operator/blogger tool Eshawn Rawlley turns 21, enjoys quiet evening.
March 2: Rawlley's self-righteous rantings printed in Hatchet again.
March 6: DOW Jones hits 15 year low of 11.5 points. Or something.
March 20: Rawlley finally STFU.
March 21: Comes back.
April 5: President Obama gets rid of every nuclear weapon there is.
April 10: Licks the Saudi king's balls.
April 12: Gets dog who licks own balls.
April 13: Is kicked in the balls by ASU.
April 14: Single-handedly cuts off pirates' testicles.
April 28: Benefits of chalk espoused, Whoopi Goldberg declared egregious.
Several Months Later: Whoopi Goldberg's egregiousness explained.
April 29: 100th day of Obama Presidency marked by mass civil unrest, deadly neurovirus outbreak.
May 14: Obama has balls licked by adoring ASU graduating class.
May 15: Nancy Pelosi claims secretive, mysterious, shadow agency misled her.  Dick Cheney continues to be wrong.
May 20: Frustratingly inept and cowardly Congress politicizes Gitmo detainee transfer. Tiny but mighty town of Hardin, MT steps up.
Several Months Later: Is rewarded with ninjas.
May 22: Conservative radio shock-jock Eric "Mancow" Muller volunteers himself for waterboarding to prove its lack of tortureyness.  Is proven wrong.
May 28: President Obama, in true fashion, nominates h-core racist pig to SCOTUS.
June 9: SR undergoes minor elective cosmetic surgery. Results decidedly more Ashlee Simpson than Tara Reid.
June 12: Pittsburgh Penguins win Stanley Cup. Beer washed out of Cup during celebration for Sidney Crosby's chocolate milk.
June 14: Purple team wins NBA trophy.
June 16: President Obama commits vicious act of murder, pardons self.
June 20: Iran into the streets.
June 24: "Hiking the Appalachian Trail" firmly ensconced as euphemism for extramarital sex.
June 26: World mourns passing of legend.  The King of Pop, John Mayer, performs tremendously at Michael Jackson's funeral.  Governor of South Carolina eternally grateful for timely demise.
July 3: Governor of Alaska wishes Real America a Happy America Day andquitstoo. Governor of Minnesota eternally grateful for timely demise.
July 6: His state, in keeping with time-honored tradition, (finally) elects clown to Senate.
July 8: SR mail room operator Eshawn Rawlley passes calculus, gathers remnants of soul.
July 20: Nation fully enthralled by teabagging. Anti-immigrant group Dirty Sanchez seeks to emulate success.
July 28: SR formally apologizes to Rep. Michele Bachmann.  Universe implodes.
July 28 1/2: Obama saves universe.
July 29: Glenn Beck (and his advertising revenue) implodes.
July 29 1/2: Fox News saves Glenn Beck.
August 19: SR reports from Los Angeles, California.
August 25: Senator Edward Kennedy passes, is laid to rest beside brothers.  Nation pays respects.
August 30: SR rebuts Whole Foods Care. Health care something something.
September 6: President Obama infiltrates minds of children, plants time-triggered brainbombs.
September 8: SR High Commissioner Eshawn Rawlley tells Andrew Clark to STFU.
September 12: Real America takes Washington.
September 15: President Obama confers honorary Jackass status upon Kanye West. Terry Moran one-ups West.
October 2: Conservatives rejoice over Fake America's lost Olympic bid, thank Obama for sucking.
October 29: President Obama visits DAFB, pays respects to fallen warriors.
November 7: WRGW & SAC present first ever Live at the Fishbowl.
One Month Later: Success repeated.
November 20: SR hosts first ever caption contest. Winner Laura Feigin yet to receive prize.
December 3: GW euphorically revels in victory over George Mason in epic and epically fabricated Battle of the Orange Line. George Mason continues to go about normal everyday campus life.
December 5: First ever GW LIVE, hosted by Imran & Eshawn, scores success.
December 16: SR intern Eshawn Rawlley concludes undergraduate work, drinks beer, sighs.
December 28: Rawlley manages to graduate, drinks beer(s), sleeps.
December 31: World hopefully awaits new year, collectively prays for significantly less confusing decade.

And that was the year 2009, a whirlwind, thrilling, exciting, depressing twelve months.  Here's to another twelve, and more. Happy New Year Raindancers.  May 2010 be blessed, prosperous, and most of all, wet.

Step into the rain: