Sunday, September 6, 2009

Don't Let This Man Near Your Children

Speech-to-schoolkids-gate has become one of those hilariously hyperbolic controversies that exposes how direly spazzed out everyone really is. Here's the story: President Obama is giving a nice little pep talk to our nation's kids this Tuesday. You know, the usual "do good' and "try hard" and "bow to my will" rap. Many kids are just totally effing stoked to hear the President talk to them, and many, many more are just totally effing stoked to get out of class for like, anything. But wait! Some angry teachers and parents didn't like how mean Obama beat good old Grandpa McCain and his lady friend and gave a bunch of money to poor people who don't like to work. So they're all like no way no how am I gonna let my kids listen to that pedophile Obama. And the kids are like well fucking now I'll have to do my math homework, THANKS MOM AND DAD GOSH.

But there's more. Glenn "I Just Can't Hammer in the Last Nail in the Other Hand""Chicken Little" Beck is urging parents to pull their sweet darling freedom-loving kids out of school in protest of the president's speech I mean Hitler Youth rally. To which the kids are like fucking SWEET. The chairman of the Florida Republican Party courageously rushed to the defense of little 3rd graders from the Emperor's attempt to "indoctrinate America's children to his socialist agenda." His efforts are a patriot's burden, and his words resound so clearly in the name of Liberty that it bears a blockquote:

The idea that school children across our nation will be forced to watch the President justify his plans for government-run health care, banks, and automobile companies, increasing taxes on those who create jobs, and racking up more debt than any other President, is not only infuriating, but goes against beliefs of the majority of Americans, while bypassing American parents through an invasive abuse of power.

So that's what's going on in Crazyland America right now. Millions are unemployed, a national debate on health care reform rages on, the nation is fighting two tolling wars, and we stop talking about all that shit to discuss whether or not Obama will try to mindfuck little Susie using the Kenyan Death Eye.

As always, Second Rain, standing under the tree of wisdom, tries to collect the raindrops, however acid-soaked, and extract from them meaning, reason, reflection, and yes, perspective. Providing such perspective often requires a little time traveling.

In the past, a president decided to make a speech to the school-going youth of the nation. He wanted to send a message to school kids that reminded them of the importance and purpose of what they were doing. He wanted to remind them how important not only staying in school was, but also trying hard, striving for achievement, and demanding excellence from their instructors. And so he did just that. The President made a speech in the middle of the afternoon that was broadcast nationally so schools, and students, across the country could tune in.

At the time, many politicians who supported this president supported his decision to reach out to school kids directly. One such pol, then the House whip of his party, said "Why is it political for the president of the United States to discuss education? It was done at a nonpolitical site and was beamed to a nonpolitical audience. They wanted to reach the maximum audience with the maximum effect to improve education." To which president was this man referring? Carter? Clinton? Mussolini?

George H.W. Bush?

And what's more, it was Newt Gingrich who defended this inappropriate invasive intrusion into the American student psyche?

"The Department of Education should not be producing paid political advertising for the president, it should be helping us to produce smarter students," said then Rep. Richard Gephardt (D-MO). "And the president should be doing more about education than saying, 'Lights, camera, action.'" Ha! A Demoncrat ATTACKING Bush Sr. for doing exactly what this President is about to do!

And there you have it folks. Behold the amnesic fickleness of American politics. It's worth noting, despite the apparent hypocrisy on both sides of the aisle, that when Democrats criticized President Bush's address to students, they levied said criticism to advance the cause of increasing federal resources to public schools. When Republicans attacked the current president over his speech to little kids, they called him a socialist mind ninja. The hypocrisy is universal, but what is not equal is the tenor of and the degree to which this hypocrisy is exuded.


UPDATE: It appears as if I have (once again) underestimated the hypocrisy and selective histories innate to our politics: further research by Second Rain has revealed that some influential Democrats opposed to President Bush's speech to students in 1991 tried to lead a witch hunt of sorts through the General Accountability Office to determine whether or not Bush's address violated any laws concerning the use of taxpayer money. It did not, and the Dems put a sock in it.

Step into the rain:


  1. Well, maybe we have reason to be concerned. I wonder how many of these right wing nut jobs were forced to watch Ronald Reagan preach the gospel of tax cuts to school kids?

    See what happens when the almighty POTUS puts his voodoo-mind-lock on impressionable young minds?

    Anyway, the last time a POTUS spoke to school kids, Al Qaeda attacked the World Trade Center. So: EVERYBODY PANIC!!!!!

  2. But, but, how do we know we haven't already been brain-effed by POTUS? OWWW whoa my head is killing me all of a....where am I...?