Saturday, December 17, 2011

Still Alive For You, Love

You will forgive a law student who was until recently under severe reading-and-exam-induced duress for being late to this party, but I just recently picked up Bon Iver's latest self-titled album released earlier this year. Having consumed "For Emma, Forever Ago" earlier in the summer, this purchase has long been pending. The album is more grower than shower but it is on its face a musical and lyrical triumph: beautiful in shape and sound. I could have picked any song off the album to talk about, especially the tragically gorgeous, Grammy-nominated, and Christmas-appropriate "Holocene," but the album's first track "Perth" is the one that has really captured my imagination. Give it a listen, and within seconds of hearing that warm, low-tone, reverbed clean guitar riff you'll be gutted. I want to meet Justin Vernon and hug him for this riff alone. I cannot tell you how many times I've put these chords together in an attempt to convey a feeling of muted and weary perseverance in the midst of profound sadness only to fall just short (and I've come really close). And here is Vernon, succeeding where I failed, adding in those elegant hammer and pull-offs and creating such evocative dissonance. I have a feeling I'll be spinning this album for a while.

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Wednesday, December 7, 2011

Rick Perry Swears He's Not Desperate Or Anything

I have watched this 30 second spot over and over again and each time I marvel at how effortlessly Perry manages to harmonize pitch perfect tones of aw shucks Christianness and unadulterated contempt for the gay. Just watch him say the word "gays" with the accompanying hand gesture. It's like he's discarding an old towel that's all moldy and damp with gay. Another home-run from a campaign that's made some legitimately fantastic ads this primary season.

Hell, I'd start passing out pipin' hot Christmas season Jesus Juice too if my numbers looked like this. Luckily for the gays and the rest of America, I don't think we'll be seeing the likes of Presnin' Perry anytime soon. But speaking of those poll numbers, remember this guy? Yeah, called it.

UPDATE: Second City FTW

UPDATER TO THE UPDATE: I promise you will laugh at this.

Via The Clearly Dope.

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Monday, December 5, 2011

Me, Every Day

Four exams. Two weeks. Leggo.

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Friday, December 2, 2011

Remember Who You Are


After nearly a decade and a half, I finally re-watched. This time, little sis, who at the ripe old age of 14 had still neglected to see this movie (a travesty for which I feel partly responsible, though I primarily place blame on Disney's ridiculous "vault" practice), watched with me. How many times did I cry you ask? Three times! Oh you didn't ask?

h/t Tastefully Offensive

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Thursday, December 1, 2011

Story Of My Childhood


When I was a youngling I was too afraid to sleep in my own bedroom, so I doubled up with big sis till I was seven. Okay eight. OKAY. Nine. The main reason for my debilitating fear is acutely depicted above. That and the recurring nightmare that a witch would break into my room at night and rip off my comforter while cackling in witch-like fashion. That was it really, I never got further than that in my mind without whimpering into a catatonic coma. Alright who I am kidding, I'm still deathly afraid of this happening to me as a grown man.

h/t Tastefully Offensive

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Tuesday, November 22, 2011

Our Fragile Oasis

Absolutely breathtaking.

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Monday, November 21, 2011

Young Geeky Obama Calls Out Maryland Law

Witness this awesomely nerdtastic video of Barack Obama, first black editor of the Harvard Law Review at age 29, discussing the life and career of Charles Hamilton Houston in a TBS segment entitled "Black History Minutes." Wait for the 0:45 mark when he mentions my law school, albeit in reference to our attempt to preserve segregated classrooms (womp). Clearly, meeting Michelle Robinson after law school loosened this stiff kid up a bit:

h/t Yahoo News

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Tuesday, November 15, 2011

I Wish This Could Work

Props Mr. President. Sadly, it would probably backfire somehow.

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Monday, November 14, 2011

Hockey & Heroes

I, like so many of us, am a complete sucker for troops-returning-home-and-surprising-loved-ones-(and loved dogs)-videos. This one is especially wonderful as it incorporates the sport that most embodies the mental and physical toughness, perseverance, sacrifice, and work-ethic that our good ol' boys and girls show everyday in serving a far greater purpose than athletic competition. Watch Mrs. Jacobs' face at the big reveal and grab your tissue box. To Lt. Jacob and his family: thank you, truly. I'm glad the Bs delivered a big win in your honor.

A classy presentation by the Bruins organization. h/t Puck Daddy.

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Monday, November 7, 2011

Sunday, November 6, 2011

Tuesday, November 1, 2011

And You Can't Save Up Lives Either

"You get to like 99 and then you go out on a boat like The Old Man and the Sea and you fight that goddamned abomination."

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Occupy Ballot Box

Yes, we can squander political efficacy.

h/t Wuerker

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Wednesday, October 12, 2011

Monday, October 10, 2011

Rick Perry FTW

Honestly one of the best political ads I have ever seen. Wow. Hats off.

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Saturday, October 8, 2011

Songs of Desperation, I Played Them For You

I've moved on (but not away) from my "Lights" OBSESSION (and REMIXES) to listen to more of Ellie Goulding's impressive catalog, including some of her many covers of songs I love, including this gorgeous rendition of one of the most heart-on-fire jump up and dance to the drums and cry sadness and joy song of past several years, "Sweet Disposition" by The Temper Trap. The control this girl has over her voice is unbelievable. And she ain't too hard on the eyes either.

h/t Imran at The Indelible Urge

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Friday, September 23, 2011

I Could've Sworn It Was Only Me

Socially Awkward Penguinvia

So empowering to know that I'm not alone. I usually pretend I am the recipient and read it from his or her point of view. It really is unsettlingly creepy. Via Tastefully Offensive.

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Wednesday, September 21, 2011


By early this afternoon I had a song in my head that I couldn't get out, one of those instances in which you hope by listening to the song you'll satiate the earworm in your brain and expel it. But as the day wore on and the life of a man hung from a wire, the noise in my head only grew louder.

Innocent, and in a sense I am,
Guilty of the crime that's now in hand.
Such a nice day to throw your life away.
Such a nice day.
Let it go.

Cold, these eyes, I can't believe it.
Cold, this heart is slow, heart is slow.

Call me such a cold heart, such a cold man.
Watch you tear yourself apart.

So lay me down, my soul to give.
So lay me down, the longest sleep, oh, the longest sleep.

In I come and out you go, you get.
Here we are again now, place your bets;
Is this the time, the time to win or lose?
Is this the time, the time to choose?

Cold, these eyes, I can't believe it.
So deep inside a cold fire.
Cold, this heart is slow.

Anytime you're only a kiss away; won't you do it now?
That's right, just keep me going.

In some white track, you come the right track.
Cartoon cutout, cut throat bled out.
I'm on your side; be on the both side.
I'm alright Jack, you get off my back.
I'm no dope, I give you hope.
Here's the rope, here's the rope;
Now, swing away.
                                                                   "Wire," U2

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Monday, September 19, 2011

Today's Quiz

Wuerker, though sometimes lacking in nuance, makes my heart pound with righteousness. Via Politico.

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Friday, September 16, 2011

Selena Minaj

Lil sis #cangetit

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Sunday, September 11, 2011

Friday, September 9, 2011

Let Obama Be Obama

Yes, we are rugged individualists. Yes, we are strong and self-reliant. And it has been the drive and initiative of our workers and entrepreneurs that has made this economy the engine and envy of the world.

But there has always been another thread running throughout our history – a belief that we are all connected; and that there are some things we can only do together, as a nation.

We all remember Abraham Lincoln as the leader who saved our Union. But in the middle of a Civil War, he was also a leader who looked to the future – a Republican president who mobilized government to build the transcontinental railroad; launch the National Academy of Sciences; and set up the first land grant colleges. And leaders of both parties have followed the example he set.

Ask yourselves – where would we be right now if the people who sat here before us decided not to build our highways and our bridges; our dams and our airports? What would this country be like if we had chosen not to spend money on public high schools, or research universities, or community colleges? Millions of returning heroes, including my grandfather, had the opportunity to go to school because of the GI Bill. Where would we be if they hadn’t had that chance?

How many jobs would it have cost us if past Congresses decided not to support the basic research that led to the Internet and the computer chip? What kind of country would this be if this Chamber had voted down Social Security or Medicare just because it violated some rigid idea about what government could or could not do? How many Americans would have suffered as a result?

...Know this: the next election is fourteen months away. And the people who sent us here – the people who hired us to work for them – they don’t have the luxury of waiting fourteen months. Some of them are living week to week; paycheck to paycheck; even day to day. They need help, and they need it now...

These are difficult years for our country. But we are Americans. We are tougher than the times that we live in, and we are bigger than our politics have been. So let’s meet the moment. Let’s get to work, and show the world once again why the United States of America remains the greatest nation on Earth.

President Barack Obama to Joint Session of Congress
September 8, 2011

Pass. This. Bill.

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Saturday, September 3, 2011

Friday, August 26, 2011

Rocky The Cat Meme

I might miss this little fucker more than his mommy and daddy in DC.

H/t The Indelible Urge

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Hipster Bird

Hipster Bird[via]

Just a taste of what I believe is a real scientifically proven black hole of funny on the Interwebs.

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Tuesday, August 23, 2011

Wolf Don't Play

Slideshow Image

Everything about this photo says BUSINESS BOSS. Blitzer ain't care no earfquake.

Via Roll Call.

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Saturday, August 13, 2011

A Visual Representation of the Downgrade

A lot was said during last night's GOP Ames straw poll/Newt Gingrich yelling from his front porch debate that should make any moderate American voter take pause before pulling the lever for anyone one of these clowns next November, but nothing was more revealing than what was not said, but rather shown. Behold, right here before your very eyes, so as to leave little to no question otherwise, the reason we got downgraded:

"Who on this stage would walk away...from a 10-to-1 [spending cuts to tax increases] deal."

This is the look of fiscal insanity. God help us.

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Tuesday, August 2, 2011

Empowered, Appendix

Hahaha the last three seconds. On a related note, I have resolved for some time to finally watch "Good Will Hunting" and plan to act soon.

Via Gawker.

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Monday, August 1, 2011


Actor Matt Damon joined others in speaking to thousands of educators at the Save Our Schools march in Washington this past weekend. His remarks are below. I am not opposed to the idea of standardized tests--ensuring kids from all over the country share a certain level of standard knowledge is important--but linking kids' scores on these tests to funding for schools, a foolhardy policy ensconced into the federal education system by the previous administration and continued (albeit altered) by the current administration will not solve our education problems. This post is not an endorsement of SOS as I'm not familiar with their work, but this speech is poignant. Matt Damon is awesome.
I flew overnight from Vancouver to be with you today. I landed in New York a few hours ago and caught a flight down here because I needed to tell you all in person that I think you’re awesome. 
I was raised by a teacher. My mother is a professor of early childhood education. And from the time I went to kindergarten through my senior year in high school, I went to public schools. I wouldn’t trade that education and experience for anything. 
I had incredible teachers. As I look at my life today, the things I value most about myself — my imagination, my love of acting, my passion for writing, my love of learning, my curiosity — all come from how I was parented and taught. 
And none of these qualities that I’ve just mentioned — none of these qualities that I prize so deeply, that have brought me so much joy, that have brought me so much professional success — none of these qualities that make me who I am ... can be tested. 
I said before that I had incredible teachers. And that’s true. But it’s more than that. My teachers were EMPOWERED to teach me. Their time wasn’t taken up with a bunch of test prep — this silly drill and kill nonsense that any serious person knows doesn’t promote real learning. No, my teachers were free to approach me and every other kid in that classroom like an individual puzzle. They took so much care in figuring out who we were and how to best make the lessons resonate with each of us. They were empowered to unlock our potential. They were allowed to be teachers. 
Now don’t get me wrong. I did have a brush with standardized tests at one point. I remember because my mom went to the principal’s office and said, ‘My kid ain’t taking that. It’s stupid, it won’t tell you anything and it’ll just make him nervous.’ That was in the ’70s when you could talk like that. 
I shudder to think that these tests are being used today to control where funding goes.
I don’t know where I would be today if my teachers’ job security was based on how I performed on some standardized test. If their very survival as teachers was based on whether I actually fell in love with the process of learning but rather if I could fill in the right bubble on a test. If they had to spend most of their time desperately drilling us and less time encouraging creativity and original ideas; less time knowing who we were, seeing our strengths and helping us realize our talents. 
I honestly don’t know where I’d be today if that was the type of education I had. I sure as hell wouldn’t be here. I do know that. 
This has been a horrible decade for teachers. I can’t imagine how demoralized you must feel. But I came here today to deliver an important message to you: As I get older, I appreciate more and more the teachers that I had growing up. And I’m not alone. There are millions of people just like me. 
So the next time you’re feeling down, or exhausted, or unappreciated, or at the end of your rope; the next time you turn on the TV and see yourself called “overpaid;” the next time you encounter some simple-minded, punitive policy that’s been driven into your life by some corporate reformer who has literally never taught anyone anything. ... Please know that there are millions of us behind you. You have an army of regular people standing right behind you, and our appreciation for what you do is so deeply felt. We love you, we thank you and we will always have your back.

h/t The Washington Post.

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Wednesday, July 27, 2011

Tuesday, July 19, 2011


I think the tea party's favorite freshman congressman never learned that lesson every other sensible, reasoned, level-headed individual learns when (not) responding to that bitch in 407 who passive-aggressively chastises you to the entire apartment listserv for taking her wet clothes out of the washer in the laundry room and consequently losing her favorite pair of pajama jeans, and that is to file these under: "E-mails One Composes for the Express Purpose of Achieving Personal Catharsis Before Deleting from Drafts Instead of Sending."

This child is a member of Congress. And I can link you to every insane, misogynistic, racist, inappropriate, and hurtful thing this former biker gang member (Outlaws 4 Lyfe!) has ever said or done, but a simple Google search should suffice. For now, relish this e-mail to the ever graceful Congresswoman and DNC chairwoman Debbie Wasserman Schultz, D-FL (cc Nancy Pelosi et al FTW!)

From: Z112 West, Allen
Sent: Tuesday, July 19, 2011 04:48 PM
To: Wasserman Schultz, Debbie
Cc: McCarthy, Kevin; Blyth, Jonathan; Pelosi, Nancy; Cantor, Eric
Subject: Unprofessional and Inappropriate Sophomoric Behavior from Wasserman-Schultz

Look, Debbie, I understand that after I departed the House floor you directed your floor speech comments directly towards me. Let me make myself perfectly clear, you want a personal fight, I am happy to oblige. You are the most vile, unprofessional ,and despicable member of the US House of Representatives. If you have something to say to me, stop being a coward and say it to my face, otherwise, shut the heck up. Focus on your own congressional district!

I am bringing your actions today to our Majority Leader and Majority Whip and from this time forward, understand that I shall defend myself forthright against your heinous characterless behavior……which dates back to the disgusting protest you ordered at my campaign hqs, October 2010 in Deerfield Beach.

You have proven repeatedly that you are not a Lady, therefore, shall not be afforded due respect from me!

Steadfast and Loyal

Congressman Allen B West (R-FL)


H/t Ben Smith, Politico with more context.

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Monday, July 11, 2011

Eating Our Peas

If you're a Republican, watch this. If you're a Democrat, watch this. Both of you listen.

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Why Do American Soccer Teams Insist On Raising My Blood Pressure?

I don't think Americans need further evidence as to why the FIFA World Cup is one of the most thrilling and uplifting sporting events in human history than last year's mens team's miracle finish against Algeria and today's womens team's unbelievable, improbable, scrappy, determined, and just victory over Brazil today. I feel so sorry for any sports fan that did not witness this match for the ages; highlights won't do it justice. Overcoming (as the men did a year ago) egregious and appallingly horrible calls by the referee and lineswomen (FIFA must take action. Even the British commentator gave up on trying to defend the officials), playing a woman down for nearly an hour of clock time, scoring the latest goal (see Abby "Will To Fucking Win" Wambach above) in World Cup history to tie the game, and converting every penalty kick to eliminate a powerhouse team with one of the world's most gifted players, our women offered a literal display of the meaning of perseverance. We hear the words "testament to the American spirit" thrown around as a fluff line a lot. I can't think of many better ways to demonstrate the true nature of that spirit to the rest of the world than our girls did today on one of the most heralded of stages. When German fans are chanting "U-S-A! U-S-A!" along with those right, white, and blue-faced hooligans, you know you've won more than respect. You've won hearts.

Speaking of winning hearts, congratulations Hope Solo. I'm yours.

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Saturday, June 25, 2011

The Heart Of Progress

With his position still undeclared, Senator Mark J. Grisanti, a Republican from Buffalo who had sought office promising to oppose same-sex marriage, told his colleagues he had agonized for months before concluding he had been wrong.

"I apologize for those who feel offended,” Mr. Grisanti said, adding, “I cannot deny a person, a human being, a taxpayer, a worker, the people of my district and across this state, the State of New York, and those people who make this the great state that it is the same rights that I have with my wife."

Via New York Times.

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Wednesday, June 22, 2011

How Jon Huntsman Lost The Republican Nomination

No, it wasn't his own campaign misspelling his name. It wasn't the buzzkill overcast gray over New Jersey that formed a bummer of a backdrop during his extremely dry and boring speech. It wasn't his campaign's bizarre and inexplicable "goal" of running a "mellow" campaign. And it wasn't the fake address and phone number listed on his campaign website. No, the former governor of Utah lost the Republican nomination a mere day after declaring his candidacy by saying this about the President of the United States under whom he served as ambassador to China:

I think he's a very decent person, he's earnest, he's hardworking and he's doing his best. We come from different parties, we come from different worldviews, different philosophies.

Well Jon, it was a good run. Frankly and without a doubt, you would have my vote over any of the other clowns running for your party's nomination. But between the above and this, I think it's time to hang it up till 2016. It's a shame. Civility would have made a wonderful running mate.

Huntsman calls for substantial Afghan troop reduction

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Friday, June 17, 2011

Zach In Multipane

New meme watch, via Uproxx.

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Thursday, June 16, 2011

Scenes From The Battle of Vancouver

Love iconic. Those big bad Bruins couldn't stop the feeling.

Via JVICCC. More riot pics.

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Thursday, June 9, 2011

Monday, June 6, 2011

A Helpful Guide For NHL Goaltenders

Poor Timmy Thomas bit waaaay too hard on Alex Finger Lickin' Good Burrows' pump fake and wraparound a mere eleven seconds into overtime. So I thought I'd make a diagram for the Vezina finalist to study before Game 3 in Boston. Also, here's some film on how to properly poke check, as executed by the greatest of all time.

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Tuesday, May 24, 2011


The obvious thing to do here would be to offer a frame-by-frame analysis, breaking down the intricacies and undertones of what is ostensibly a perfume ad to reveal the beautiful Shakespearian tragedy beneath; the story of two lovesick teenage girls who pine for one another but who are forced to live apart, separated by the walls of homophobic society which they can only fantasize of scaling with the help of the transportive powers of a pair of magic purple fly boots and a wizard's flower potion. But instead I'll just let this whimsical teaser sweep you off your feet:

(Hat tip Warming Glow)

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Sunday, April 3, 2011

Jai Hind

"[Sachin's] carried the burden of the nation for twenty one years so it's time we carried him on our shoulders." -Virat Kohli

All at once, a billion dreams come true. A spectacular finish to a memorable World Cup. Hindustan zindabad!

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Thursday, March 17, 2011

Click & Clack

Crisis averted. Speaker Boehner can wipe his hands and say "what's next?"

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Monday, March 7, 2011


Go Devils.

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Sunday, March 6, 2011

Contractually Obligated

I didn't post the brilliant full segment from last Thursday's Daily Show but I urge you all to watch it. Aside from obviously being hilarious, it exposes the lazy hypocrisy of idiot media pundits (mostly employed by Fox) when it comes to attacking teachers for ruining our kids and destroying public budgets. It is unbelievable to me how liberals can be accused of stirring up class warfare for this while conservatives don't even blink as they blame teachers--with their lavish $50,000 salaries and *gasp* dental benefits--for the ills of America. The very same conservatives who defended until they were blue in the face the "contractually-obligated" bonuses of taxpayer bailed-out Wall Street executives have the gall to support Governor Walker's attempt to shred public union contracts and prevent the fair negotiation of future contracts for the people who do the most important work of all (yes, even more important than an investment banker). Don't accuse me of class warfare for asking people making $250,000 a year to pay three percent more on the highest marginal tax rate while you spit on teachers, police officers, and firefighters and their apparent greediness in wanting to secure a decent living by not upholding their contracts and snatching away their labor rights. Wall Street bankers aren't the only people creating wealth in this country. At some point in their lives, they had a teacher.

This code is embedding the wrong video so click on the "Crisis in Dairyland" link on the bottom of the embed.

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Thursday, February 24, 2011

Huckabee's Honesty

Here at SR we have a proud history of "reporting" on the most egregious abuses of Race Cards (available at your local CVS pharmacy) in politics, particularly by conservative politicians apparently so oblivious to differences in skin-color that the very idea of talking about race is seen as a cowardly concession to pigments. Yesterday, former Arkansas governor, probable GOP presidential candidate/current Fox News contributor (sames) and part-time rocker Mike Huckabee joined an elite group of said conservative politicians with his comments regarding his clemency of Maurice Clemmons. For those unfamiliar: Clemmons was convicted to 108 years in prison for unarmed, aggravated burglary committed at the age of 16. As governor, Huckabee exercised his office's constitutional authority and released Clemmons after he served 11 years of his sentence. Tragically, Clemmons went on to murder four people in Washington state. Hello Willie Horton moment.

"And most people wouldn't have served -- they wouldn't have even been sentenced to 11, much less served 11. It was clearly a disproportionate sentence, based on all the other cases like his," Huckabee said. "Quite honestly, I'd love to tell you this isn't true, but that kid was black. And if he'd been white, and upper-middle class and had a good attorney he wouldn't have served a day. He'd have had probation, he'd have gone to see a counselor, and he'd probably gone to college, and he'd probably be on Wall St. making a couple billion bucks a year."

Hold the phone, blow the whistle. Did that white Southern Republican governor just claim that a criminal received an unfairly harsh punishment simply because he was poor and black? Well ain't it something. Note the lengths to which Huck went to demonstrate his commitment to this claim; he even squeezed in a mention of conveniently unpopular Wall Street, what with their billion bucks a year would-be convicted felons and all.

"If I had the same file in front of me today that I had then, I would make the same decision, and I would like to think -- God help us when we get to the place when the only decisions we make are the ones that are in our own political self-interest," Huckabee said.

Exactly. Just like your decision to acknowledge the inherent racial inequalities in our criminal justice system (and offering a cursory shot at Wall Street), reversing course on your party's sharply honed messaging on these issues in order to staunchly defend a controversial decision, wasn't in your own political self-interest. Really, it wasn't. Winning this argument with conservative voters by playing the race card is an interesting strategy, if not ill-conceived. For the record, your clemency of Maurice Clemmons was not only justified but courageous. Your refusal to cower to those who place the death of those four Seattle slain on your hands by defending your decision is admirable. And your honesty in your appraisal of Clemmons' sentencing and circumstances is refreshing, especially coming from a conservative politician who would sooner accuse judges of being empathetic reverse-racists.

Article from Talking Points Memo.

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Monday, February 21, 2011

All the Presidency's Men

Happy President's Day to 39, 41, 42, 43, and 44.

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Friday, February 11, 2011

The Tale Of Two Seasons

This epic post-OT winner celebration picture of Ilya Kovalchuk says everything about how I feel inside. The Devils 11-1-2 tear has got fans and experts talking playoffs (don't say the word!) After the disastrous, nightmarish start to this season, fans, though still loyal, were beginning to salivate over the prospect of our first high 1st-round draft pick in many a year. Sitting in the basement of the league, last in goals for and highest in goals against, a first-year head coach who in hindsight was pretty terrible and yet is still a franchise legend, a marquee high-scoring stud injured for what appears to be the entire season, a struggling Hall of Fame best-in-the-world goaltender, and a $100 million dollar face-of-the-franchise Russian superstar unable to score, the Devils looked done, out of the playoffs for the first time since 1996. The first 41 games yielded a 10-29-2 dead last result.

And yet, hope.

Jacques Lemaire, sent from angels/Lou Lamoriello, is back behind the bench (and just earned his 600th career win as head coach last night, putting him in rare company). Martin Brodeur, though a bit banged up currently, has been stopping rubber like an abstinence program, and though Zach Parise is still watching home games from the press box, Kovalchuk is lighting lamps like it's Diwali (15 points in 14 games). Suddenly the Devils, though still closer to the bottom than to the 8th seed, are 21-30-4. This year's campaign really has been the tale of two seasons. Although we're 13 points out of the playoff picture and are heavily reliant on Carolina, Buffalo, Florida, Toronto, AND Atlanta all simultaneously tanking while we win out 90% of our remaining schedule, I still believe. And if we don't make the playoffs this year, well at least Devils Nation can take pride in the fact that our team didn't go out like a bunch of punks fishing for a draft pick (see certain Canadian franchise located in nation's capital).

Shark hunting tonight in Jersey. LET'S GO DEVILS!

Screenshot via

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Wednesday, February 9, 2011

The People In Their Infinite Wisdom

Watch as master equivocator and probable little person Frank "it's not health care reform, it's death care death taxes" Luntz leads an insightful discussion with Iowa Republican voters about President Obama's handling of the Egypt crisis on Hannity (read: legitimate). My favorite part? No, it's not 25 seconds in when Dr. Drew Pinsky look-a-like talks himself into a corner about how Obama "doesn't know what the details are" (Dr. Drew KNOWS the details, he watches Hannity) and ends his abortion of a statement by referring indistinctly to "what we need as a country." It isn't the Henry Paulson look-a-like picking up where Dr. Drew left off by exasperatedly declaring "[Obama] doesn't know what a republic is [PSSSSH]."

My favorite part of this video isn't the Mark Hamill circa Return of the Jedi look-a-like then claiming "no one seems to know what's going on" (irony!) within the Obama administration when it comes to Egypt, not the president, the secretary of state, the secretary of defense, the joint chiefs, the chef, NO ONE (Mark Hamill knows what's going on, he watches Hannity). I thought my favorite point might have been when two-chocolate-chips-short-of-a-cookie-zilla weighs in with her very, very profound assessment of President Obama's foreign policy, during which she proceeds to claim that the president's religious beliefs (muslin) "govern" his handling of Egypt. My favorite part wasn't when everyone around her grumbled in approval. My favorite part was not Frank Luntz's "my gosh" shock at the realization that half the room believes the president is a Muslim, nor was it his very earnest attempt to remind these corn-bred regular American folk that the big bad media (SR proudly included) is going to savage them as imbecilic hate-fueled stubborn unintelligent backwater dumbass goats.

My favorite part wasn't when Dr. Drew and a man allegedly named BRUCE relish their very clever assessment of the president when they claim that "intolerant liberalism" is his religion, only to be followed immediately by tolerant Marilyn's assertion that the president is, despite what he says, a freaking muslin I mean LOOK at him (muslin irony!). The part where Frank Luntz then innocently asks this frothing wolfpack "shouldn't we be backing the president? Isn't that the loyal thing to do [SNICKER]?" ALMOST became my favorite moment, and then Very Serious Mustache Man with the finger-point FTW declares that Obama is the second-coming of Neville Chamberlain because he's an appeaser of...Hosni Mubarak? Egyptian protesters? Bill Ayers? It doesn't matter because NAZIS. "Destruction!" Favorite moment.

But right after that came a true gem, my favoritest favorite part of this whole video, despite the brilliance that came before it. Little Sarah Palin-glasses Betty Sue from Davenport had been waiting patiently to chime in with her really, really important comment and when the boom mic finally swings her way, she offers a line so wrought with irony it can only be regarded as beautiful in its utter lack of self-awareness: "[Obama] gives textbooks answers" *shakes head and closes eyes in both disgust of her subject and pride in her wisdom*. THAT was by far my favorite part.

"He doesn't know what to do. He never knows what to do."

Me neither. But some folks might disagree.

Step into the rain:

Tuesday, February 8, 2011

The Olberevolution Will Not Be Televised...On ESPN

In all the media whirlwind surrounding former MSNBC "Countdown" host Keith How Dare You, Sir Olbermann's next career move, it seems SR managed to play, through an innocent--and of course humorous--tweet, a small part in heightening the intrigue. Yesterday, upon hearing the news of Olbermann's scheduled conference call with reporters during which he would announce his new venture, I made this 133 character quip:

It was a small bit of brilliance but certainly an obvious joke; the door was left wide open for it and I'm sure I wasn't the first to see the comedic congruence between Olbermann, The Decision, and ESPN. Hours later I began to notice my inbox filling up with "now following" notices. Pleased with this sudden burst of fans, I investigated its cause and discovered I had scored the coveted Olberetweet:

LeBron joke FTW! Inexplicably however, many of Olbermann's followers took his laugh-out-loud all caps endorsement of my funny to mean the fictitious prime-time special I alluded to was actually happening, necessitating this clarification:

I know, Keith. Simpletons just don't understand our style.  Of course this isn't the first time a major cable news network personality interacted with us through the tweets. I'm getting kind of used to this. Still waiting for @glennbeck to respond to my many, many questions.

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Saturday, February 5, 2011

How (Some) Conservatives Used To Speak

"A major element of our strategy has been to delegitimize terrorists, to get society to see them for what they are - criminals - and to use democracy's most potent tool, the rule of law, against them."

This from Paul Bremer, aide to Ronald Reagan, in 1987 regarding the administration's anti-terrorism strategy (from a brief but revealing WaPo piece on the five--of several--myths of the Reagan legacy). This strategy of "downgrading" terrorists from foreign warriors to the thugs and murderers they truly are is precisely what the Obama administration has sought to accomplish by pursuing the closing of the Guantanamo Bay detention center (and the subsequent transfer of prisoners to U.S. soil, covered by SR here and here and here) as well as the trying of enemy combatants in Article III courts. Of course, to ask today's GOP how they feel regarding the above quote would lead only to unpleasant frothing and incoherent mumbles about creeping sharia in public schools.

Step into the rain:

Wednesday, February 2, 2011

Mr. Wahls Goes To Des Moines

"The sexual orientation of my parents has had zero effect on the content of my character."

This is the kind of speech one prays to be given the chance to deliver. Check out that poise at 1:35. My hat is off to you, Zach. Go on and change things.

Step into the rain:

Saturday, January 29, 2011

Stars & Boulevards

One of my favorite songs ever written by one of my favorite bands. One's understanding of a song is unique. It is also fluid. This song has never better spoken for me.

Step into the rain:

Tuesday, January 25, 2011

AA-CC IV: Brooke Bombshell Baldwin

For the past couple months CNN has offered its afternoon viewers a truly wonderful treat in the form of the radiant and lovely anchor Brooke Baldwin, my latest choice for the AA-CC award. And since "moving in a different direction" from their most famous Latino Jew-basher, CNN has given even more blissful airtime to this goddess of the midday mundane and topical "hard news" toe-dipping. Brooke's star is still on the rise, but that doesn't excuse the Internets from the shameful dearth of search images that do this TV treasure justice. With the fashion sense of a savvy 20-something, the sharpness and intellect of a straightforward newswoman, a charm and playfulness that makes Ali Veshi's head blush, and an arsenal of sexy power dos for that gorgeous auburn hair, Brooke is easily the hottest AA-CC award recipient yet. My colleagues know my affinity for Brooke well, and last night I elatedly delivered them the the thrilling news that-GASP-she had tweeted at me!

A twistory of a courtship (with intermittent interruptions from Piers Cockblock Morgan):

Why is CNN having a Christmas party in late January? Irrelevant. The point is I contacted Brooke on private message and pleaded with her to decline Piers' advances, reminding her that you can't ever trust the British. She said she'd told Piers he was a gentleman but she was waiting for her true love. Can't you tell? Look at how she winked at me. I booked the first flight to Atlanta I could find. Wedding invites are in the mail! I hope she dances like this at the reception.


Step into the rain:

Friday, January 21, 2011

The Force Is Strong With This One

After battling Darth Boehner in the control rooms of Cloud City on Bespin, a battered Obama Skywalker escapes through the thermal exhaust shafts before reuniting with Lanjoe Biden Calrissian and Princess Pelosia on Air Falcon One.

Hashtag: nerd.

Photo via Politico.

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What About This Doesn't Surprise You?

"My mom left me at home when I was 14 with a credit card, and a box of condoms and the keys to the car and said, 'Don't get pregnant and don't drink and drive.' I had to be responsible for myself."
We already had proof of skank.

Labels: ke$ha, slut; Hashtag: idstillhitit

Via Huffington Post.

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Thursday, January 20, 2011

Tone It Up

I always feel a bit cheap when I merely amplify the satirical genius that is The Daily Show and The Colbert Report. But after watching this clip of Stephen Colbert, I feel as if everything I have said about the asspimple of America known as Sarah Palin has not only fallen well short of the sheer rhetorical deftness and wordsmith prowess necessary to aptly sum up her wretched phenomenon as he has but has been written in a strange, guttural, incomprehensible language. Where I struggled to find the words, Colbert, voci nostrum:

The Colbert ReportMon - Thurs 11:30pm / 10:30c
Mika Brzezinski Experiences Palin Fatigue
Colbert Report Full EpisodesPolitical Humor & Satire Blog</a>Video Archive

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Wednesday, January 19, 2011

Tone It Down

This is a clear example of the heated, harmful, hateful imagery that we must condemn if our republic is to endure. This is wrong and it is insulting. Let me be clear on this: there is no place for this in our society, and we should not find this sort of thing in any way acceptable or remotely amusing. Our words, actions, and animated gifs have consequences. In light of recent events, we must tone down our rhetoric. Again, this is an example of what we should not be laughing at during our lunch breaks:

Sigh. Shameful.

Step into the rain:

Tuesday, January 18, 2011

La Chose La Plus Adorable

Oh why oh why did I not pursue my French classes with the rigor, focus, and more than just an air of whimsy that would have enabled me to not only understand this precious gift from God without the use of subtitles but to pick this little bowl of sugar up and put her on my shoulders and zoom through the hills and forests of France like a kite while she giggles joyously and tries to catch papillons et oiseaux avec ses mains?

UPDATE: Just clarifying that I would bring her back to her parents. If they asked.

Step into the rain:

Monday, January 17, 2011

By The Content Of Their Character

You have seventeen minutes that you would've spent watching some travesty of a show on TLC and/or reading recaps of the Golden Globes best/worst dressed that you can sacrifice to watch this instead, on this day. This speech has brought me to tears twice today (thank you to NPR for playing it in its entirety and with great audio this evening). Listen.

"Free at last, free at last! Thank God Almighty we are free at last!"

Step into the rain:

Friday, January 14, 2011


That crack you heard, that was your heart.

Step into the rain:

Thursday, January 13, 2011

"Let's Be Better" vs. "We're Not Perfect, Deal"

President Obama speaks at the event ‘Together We Thrive: Tucson and America’ honoring the January 8 shooting victims at McKale Memorial Center.

Rather than pointing fingers or assigning blame, let’s use this occasion to expand our moral imaginations, to listen to each other more carefully, to sharpen our instincts for empathy and remind ourselves of all the ways that our hopes and dreams are bound together...
The loss of these wonderful people should make every one of us strive to be better. To be better in our private lives, to be better friends and neighbors and coworkers and parents. And if, as has been discussed in recent days, their death helps usher in more civility in our public discourse, let us remember it is not because a simple lack of civility caused this tragedy -- it did not -- but rather because only a more civil and honest public discourse can help us face up to the challenges of our nation in a way that would make them proud.

Within hours of a tragedy unfolding, journalists and pundits should not manufacture a blood libel that serves only to incite the very hatred and violence that they purport to condemn. That is reprehensible.
There are those who claim political rhetoric is to blame for the despicable act of this deranged apparently apolitical criminal. And they claim political debate has somehow gotten more heated just recently. But when was it less heated? Back in those calm days when political figures literally settled their differences with dueling pistols? In an ideal world, all discourse would be civil and all disagreements cordial. But our founding fathers knew they weren’t designing a system for perfect men and women. If men and women were angels there would be no need for government.

Once again, a clear and distinct demonstration of the difference between a leader of a nation and a leader of a mob.

Step into the rain:

Tuesday, January 11, 2011

Codename: Celtic

I made this because I can only dream of being the certified BAMF that is our Vice President.

Step into the rain:

Monday, January 10, 2011

Sunday, January 9, 2011

Hands Clean

"If this Congress keeps going the way it is, people are really looking toward those second amendment remedies."

Sure, we shouldn't blame Sharron Angle and her endorsement of armed violence against the federal government, or Sarah Palin for exclaiming "don't retreat, RELOAD!" in reference to defeating liberals, for the tragedy that took place yesterday in Arizona. It's not fair to link the shooter to the Tea Party gun-toters who showed up at presidential rallies with firearms or whose vitriolic condemnation of the 111th Congress was so vehement that it contributed significantly to a tripling of violent threats against federal officials in the past year. We certainly shouldn't blame the likes of Glenn Beck, who for the better part of the last two years has insisted that the very fabric of our republic is under open and vicious attack by the cabal of the Obama administration, a progressive Congress, and an elite propagandist media machine, and that time is quickly running out before everything about America as we know it is fundamentally altered into an unrecognizable socio-fascist dystopia.

Too little is known about the political ideology of 22 year old Jared Lee Loughner, who yesterday afternoon opened fire at a congressional meet-and-greet outside of a grocery store in Tucson, killing six people, including a nine-year old girl and a venerated federal judge, and gravely injuring twelve others, most notably a dedicated, sharp, gifted, and lovely congresswoman who was kicking off her third term as a public servant in the United States House of Representatives. We know the man's YouTube page (which, along with Facebook profiles and MySpace accounts have now become the go-to place for post-rampage dissection of the bat-shit insane) featured hints of government conspiracies, references to Mein Kampf as well as The Communist Manifesto (obviously the sign of a confused and mentally vulnerable, unstable young man), flag-burning, constitutional lecturing, rants against government-dictated grammar, and calls to establish a new currency. But in the aftermath of the shooting, all too many members of the Internet Idiot Brigade either accused this guy of being a right-wing, teabagging, Obama-hating gun-lover (because well, who else would try to kill Democrats?) or chose to steadfastly defend the aggressive, heated political rhetoric employed by those on the right to rally their base.

The truth is, I don't give a shit what this guy's leanings are.

Jared Lee Loughner was the sole actor in this attack. He and only he decided to wake up yesterday morning, drive down to the Safeway with his modified Glock, and open fire on a group of innocent people in an attempt to kill his representative in Congress, whom he called "unintelligent." Loughner did this, and Loughner alone will pay the price determined by the just laws of our land. Jared Loughner's gun didn't kill people. He did.

Meanwhile, Sarah Palin and her team of PR professionals can sleep soundly knowing that this lunatic was a vaguely defined "leftist," or something. Sarah Palin won't lose any sleep, because even though she spoke of Gabrielle Giffords the same way she does an Alaskan caribou just before she makes it her dinner, it wasn't her words the shooter was listening to. He was reading Hitler, or Marx, whatever, same thing. After all, she doesn't really mean what she says about "reloading." It's just a metaphor. The liberal media shouldn't try to paint it as anything else but that. Sarah Palin's hands are completely clean. As are Sharron Angle's. Sure this guy indirectly took her "second amendment remedies" suggestion as a sound one and exercised it with lethal results. But it's not like he supported her, or anything. And when Michele Bachmann rants and raves about the government becoming so oppressive and so monstrous that it is actively seeking to harm and enslave its own people, surely she wasn't speaking to this half-brained warped conspiracy theorist, nor was he listening to her. Right?

Hands clean.

"Sarah Palin...has the crosshairs of a gunsight over our district. When people do that, they've got to realize there are consequences to that."

-Rep. Gabrielle Giffords (D-AZ), March 2010

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