Tuesday, December 29, 2009

Actually, I Rather Like The Feeling

Who's the sick fucker who ruined unanimous consent here?  The "it" being Origins face cream in Macy's.

Step into the rain: secondrain.blogspot.com

Saturday, December 26, 2009

Kings & Queens

I am close to officially desiring this new album (This Is War) from 30 Seconds to Mars, whose last album (A Beautiful Lie) was just okay. Jared Leto often falls flat lyrically, but this anthemic sing-along summit of sound and force is a high point of inspiration for him and his band. This song is both balanced and epic, with driven, steadily built verses (pay attention to drummer and Leto brother Shannon's thumping and hi-hatting on the first and second respectively and to the complementary string section on the second) that rise into a soaring, glorifying chorus. The video is an equally powerful visual component to this (very well-produced, compliments of Steve Lillywhite and Flood) communal hymn; I wish I'd gotten to join that cast of characters riding my bike from LA to Santa Monica. When the dreamy-eyed Leto (who demonstrates his incredible range in this track) declares "the age of man is over," the hairs on the back of your neck just might stand straight up, and 5:00 onwards is one long goosebump-inducing choral send off.  I used to spend hours in my basement trying to write a song like this one.  Unfortunately I didn't have a band or great ability, and the sounds remained in my head.  They sounded sort of like "Kings & Queens."

Step into the rain: secondrain.blogspot.com

Friday, December 25, 2009

Live to Fight Another Holiday

Although I'm an avowed Marxist-Leninist socialist member of the Politburo (D-MD), I'd like to take a moment to wish my Christian friends a most holy and blessed Christmas*, my non-Christian friends a very merry Giftmas, and my atheist friends a very warm December 25th. The forces of liberalism which have waged war on Christmas now and forever may have retreated on this cold and snowy day, but they shall return stronger and with a vengeance!

*Christmas (kris-mus) n.: A bunch of Christians celebrating the birth of a Jew by opening his presents and dressing trees in drag.

May God bless you all, thanks for reading (or pretending to), and have a very happy and prosperous new year <3

Now to continue a Rawlley family tradition...

Step into the rain: secondrain.blogspot.com

Monday, December 14, 2009

Q: How Is This Okay?

The Daily Show With Jon Stewart
Mon - Thurs 11p / 10c
Beck - Not So Mellow Gold

Daily Show
Full Episodes

Political Humor
Health Care Crisis

The works: Glenn Beck terrifies his viewers, through a complex system of bells and whistles, into believing the world as we know will never be the same when we awake tomorr--okay if not tomorrow then really soon TRUST ME--in order to spur the simple citizen into ACTION annnnd alsosellsomegold. In addition to this, he openly touts on his television (and I would imagine radio) program the high value of gold due to the weaker standing of the dollar in a recession. He even boasts, as depicted above, of his own God-like ability to sway markets (a form of back-room, unseen, fascist tyranny). And just as you the viewer have been sufficiently pissed off and scared shitless about the Wiemar Republic-esque hyperinflation that will inevitably hit any day now, you patiently wait for the commercial break during the (((GB))) Program to place down your cheese curls and mini American flag and pick up the phone to ORDER GOLD NOW. But WAIT. On comes Glenn "What Happened to Decency and Ethics?" Beck, fresh off of his Goldline contract signing, on the teevee again OMG COME BACK IN THE ROOM urging you to buy g--YES GLENN I WAS JUST ABOUT TO DO THAT YOU'RE SO SMART.

For a man who has (comically) dedicated his life's work to revealing the men behind curtains, Beck (and Bill O'Reilly, Mark Levin, Michael Savage, Laura Ingraham, Dennis Miller, Fred Thompson and G. Gordon Liddy) sure does seem like a faux wizard himself.

A: It's not. Pray on it.

Step into the rain: secondrain.blogspot.com

Friday, December 11, 2009

YOU People

Awww SHIT. Steelman bout to throw DOWN with this honkeyass cracka.

You know, this truly demonstrates the esteemed Chairman's sincere commitment to bipartisanship, as he is clearly adopting the Democratic platform piece of pulling the race card whenever humanly possible. That's like a Democrat thing, right?

Step into the rain: secondrain.blogspot.com

Thursday, December 10, 2009

Stress Free Zone

Live at the Fishbowl tonight, 7-10PM
21st & G Sts. NW

Dave Mitrani
Greg Magee
Daria-Ann Martineau
Steve Brady
Greg Shapiro
Lennon Wetovsky
Chelsea Hill
Nathan Donohue
Shelby Hartman
Imran Mahmud
Eshawn Rawlley

Step into the rain: secondrain.blogspot.com

Saturday, December 5, 2009

20% Off

This all started with me singing the first two lines of "The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air."

Hat tip Imran for the stealth capture on his new Crackberry.

Step into the rain: secondrain.blogspot.com


Hosted by Imran & Eshawn

Step into the rain: secondrain.blogspot.com

Thursday, December 3, 2009

Inbox (1): Subject: trying to find someone

J------ H----- to STAT 111-11

Hi everyone. This is kinda embarrassing but im trying
to find someone that's in the class. All I really kno
about him is that he has these incredible blue eyes.
If you get this message I just wanted to say hey and
let u kno that as much as I like starting [sic] at
those eyes from across the room I'd like it even
more if I got to kno more about u. Ur welcome to
sit with me in class this thursday, if not its no
big deal. Ciao.

<--Reply -->Forward

"Blue eyes, I just want to sing a song with you."

I hope she finds him.

Step into the rain: secondrain.blogspot.com

Washington > Mason

Photo provided by The George Washington University

Step into the rain: secondrain.blogspot.com

Thursday, November 26, 2009

Size Matters

Perspective is sometimes a drizzle, sometimes a steady pour. Today's rainmakers: Danny Shaw and Andrew Rabinowitz at OpenCongress, via Glenn Thrush of Politico:

The Top Ten Lengthiest Bills Written by Congress in the Past Ten Years

1. 314,900 words, "Affordable Health Care for America Act," 2009, Rep. John Dingell (D-Mich.)

2. 314,832 words, "Safe, Accountable, Flexible, Efficient Transportation Equity Act: A Legacy for Users," 2005, Rep. Don Young (R-Alaska)

3. 314,573 words, "Patient Protection and Affordable Care Act," 2009, Sen. Harry Reid (D-Nev.)

4. 296,111 words, "Consolidated Appropriations Act," 2005, Rep. James Kolbe (R-Ariz.)

5. 276,849 words, "Consolidated Appropriations Act," 2008 Rep. Nita Lowey (D-N.Y.)

6. 274,559 words, "No Child Left Behind Act," 2001, Rep. John Boehner (R-Ohio)

7. 258,205 words, "National Defense Authorization Act for Fiscal Year 2008," Rep. Ike Skelton (D-Mo.)

8. 250,286 words, "Food, Conservation, and Energy Act of 2008," Rep. Collin Peterson (D-Minn.)

9. 246,984 words, "Consolidated Appropriations Resolution," 2003, Rep. Bill Young (R-Fla.)

10. 226,492 words, "Energy Policy Act," 2005, Rep. Joe Barton (R-Texas)

As you can see (and as bolded), five of the longest congressional bills written within the past decade were penned by Republicans (who says they aren't artsy and poetic), with GOP Rep. Don Young's (R-Ah Lass Kaa) epic novel on transportation (and vampires!) a mere 68 words less than that big bureaucratic Democrat freedom-killer, or health care thing.  John Boehner (R-Loompaland) cashes in at number six with the No Child Left Behind (or Advanced Much Further From Their Current Position) short memorandum that encouraged, appropriately, reading.

We are constantly reminded by our friends in the Republican Party that health care reform will effectively overhaul 16% of our entire national economy. Is it that unreasonable to believe it could take just shy of 2,000 pages to do it right, like it apparently did with energy policy, education reform, and transportation investment?

On second thought, what do they possibly say in 2,000 pages that they can't scribble on a couple of napkins and get pretty much the same effect?  Hell, @SenJohnMcCain could probably say what needs saying in like, 13 tweets, tops.  After all, does anyone remember when Republicans wrote a bill that was 3 pages long and effectively overhauled 100% of our economy?  Now that's efficiency.

Step into the rain: secondrain.blogspot.com

Tuesday, November 24, 2009


He doesn't support the troops. Or so the former half-governor of Alaska and victorious general in the great Russo-Alaskan War Sarah "Kommander Karibou" Palin has insinuated about President Obama.

“There’s been a lack of acknowledgement by our president in understanding what it is that the American military provides in terms of, obviously, the safety, the security of our country,” Palin said during an interview with Fox News’s Greta Van Susteren. “I want him to acknowledge the sacrifices that these individual men and women — our sons, our daughters, our moms, our dads, our brothers and sisters — are providing this country to keep us safe...I want to see more acknowledgment and more respect given to them.”

“I want our president and this administration to listen to the advisers who they hired,” she said. “McChrystal, for one, back in March, telling the president, 'Here's what we're going to need there' and then ramping up that advice lately, saying, 'Mr. President, here's what we need in Afghanistan to win, to make sure that those terror cells don't grow, so that those terrorists don't come back over to the homeland in America, on our soil, and kill innocent Americans.'”

“I want him to listen to his advisers,” Palin added. “That's what he asked for.” (Andy Barr, Politico)

And there it is in a nutshell. When people accuse me of despising Sarah Palin for all sorts of reasons (the media tells me to, she speaks truth to power and that scares me, she represents the greatness of America and I refuse to see it, she is a strong independent woman and that rattles me, to name just a few accusations), all I'll point to is this. I'm going to try to frame this thoughtfully but the anger I feel will impair my eloquence.

Let me reiterate this: Sarah Palin, the quitter, the whiner, the everyone-before-me blamer, the former Vice Presidential candidate who claimed her two years spent as the governor of a state next to another country qualified her without a shred of doubt to practically lead troops into battle herself, is accusing this president of under-appreciating our armed forces.

Instead of constructing an argument based on facts and inferences made through in-depth research and rumination over a subject matter such as strategy formulation in the Afghan war, Ms. Shoot From the Hip, now all but guaranteed a national media platform, speaks before thought. She flips through her deck of cards prepared by every culture-warring heartland conservative Republican operative and finds a hot-button issue (COUNTRY FIRST!), frames them without nuance or context (LOWER TAXES NOW!) and glosses it over with a hue of gung-ho patriotism and an (ironic) air of superiority over those who disagree (REAL AMERICA!). And now, as she enjoys the fawning of media attention which she inevitably (and also ironically) decries as either biased, elitist, sexist, vindictive, or all of the above, she claims without reservation or pause while wearing an Army shirt that the commander-in-chief does not adequately "acknowledge" the sacrifices made by those whom he commands.

Here is some more rub of irony Raindancers. This woman, for all of her can-do America-first support the troops Don't Tread On Me uphold the Constitution grandstanding, who was to be a heartbeat away from taking the oath of the Office of the President, fails to understand the nature of that office's role as prescribed in the sacred founding document of our government she loves to wax on.

The President of the United States, a civilian, is, as per Article II, Section 2 of the Constitution, the commander-in-chief of the armed forces of this nation. His command is therefore supreme (chief) above all in the military hierarchy, including his senior-most generals. It is his duty and his alone to deploy and direct our troops, and in so doing it is his dictation of what the mission should be that is the prerogative his commanders follow. Not the other way around. A President should never hide behind his generals, as another recent president ("The Decider") had a tendency to do. The President does not accept the mission suggested by his advisors; the President dictates the mission to his advisors. And he subsequently ensures that those implementing his decisions, from the highest-ranked general to the private on the ground, have every resource necessary to finish the job.

So while Mrs. Palin clamors that the President is "dithering" by prolonging his decision regarding Afghanistan and that he should just blindly follow the advice "he asked for," she demonstrates on full display her intellectual and administrative weakness, her lack of understanding of the Constitution (again) and the role of the President, and her inability to lead. While she accuses the President of not appreciating the sacrifice our troops are asked to make every day, she fails to understand that precisely by being deliberative in his decision-making, while garnering and absorbing every piece of information he can, examining every angle he sees, challenging every assumption he makes, and contemplating every competing argument he can hear, the President is, through this responsible, reasoned process, not only faithfully executing his duties as commander-in-chief, but is as a result of his deliberativeness ensuring that he makes the best decision he knows how to make.

This, Madam half-Governor, is how a true patriot honors his troops, including your son. Don't you DARE question the devotion and gratefulness of a man who, unlike you, must wake up every morning knowing that his decisions in war will lead to the death of young American volunteers. Never will I allow you to question the genuineness of a leader who knows that with every order he issues, he will create fatherless sons, daughter-less mothers, widows, orphans, and more folded American flags. I never want to hear you or anyone in your tiny camp of Freedumb-loving teabagging super-patriots who have never nor ever will stand in the Oval Office or step foot inside the Situation Room, who will never once "acknowledge" (to use your bullshit condescending word) or respect this man as the sole "Decider" in all matters of American warfare, even so much as imply that this President or any president past or future does not live with the full weight of the grief of every American who has ever lost a loved one to war under his command. Watch the look on this man's face when he salutes a flag-draped coffin. Watch the sadness in his eyes when he lays a wreath on a grave.  Witness him honor the fallen with a heavy heart and the feel the helpless frustration left by his own fruitless words and THEN tell me he doesn't "acknowledge" every American hero who served, has served, or ever will serve this country you bimbo moronic insufferable fuck.

Step into the rain: secondrain.blogspot.com

AA-CC II: Jungle Cat

As was reported earlier here at SR, a featured segment that we fully intended to be recurring entitled Attractive Anchors & Cutie Correspondents was cancelled by head SR muckity-mucks in its nascent period. But with new revenue and material that couldn't be passed on, SR has decided to revive this wonderful educational series (albeit not on a regular basis). In the following installment of AA-CC, the work is all done for us. Behold Attractive Anchor Katie Couric get DIRTY:

Jungle staredown of seduction

"You want this HOTNESS? CHECK that bling motherfucka."

Back that shit up

"See Jenny, this is how mommy and daddy made you."

"Step aside child, watch Mama run this shit MMPH."

Apparently these pictures are from a one-too-many-cocktails party celebrating Katie Kitten's promotion to CBS (Carnal Booty Shaking) anchor.  I am so fucking turned on right now.  GET IT.

Step into the rain: secondrain.blogspot.com

Friday, November 20, 2009

Caption Contest!

The author of the best caption (as determined by the Second Rain executive staff at large) for this precious moment between Senators McCain, Lieberman, and Graham will win a pint of Ben & Jerry's ice cream in a flavor of your choice (prize must be claimed in person; mailing ice cream is hard).  Lemme hear that rain fall!

Step into the rain: secondrain.blogspot.com

Thursday, November 19, 2009


I think what Fox News is trying to say by supplanting a McCain-Palin campaign video from a rally last year for a Palin book tour appearance this month (while very appropriately preluding to Sean Hannity's comedy hour) is that all those campaign supporters they're showing would be at the former half-governor's book tour appearance if they could. That seems a reasonable enough deduction, no?

"This was a production error in which the copy editor changed a script and didn't alert the control room to update the video," said Michael Clemente, senior vice president of news at Fox.

MSNBC on the other hand is just trying to have a little "fun," that's all. Of course, fun at the expense of journalistic integrity may not seem acceptable to most, but then again, who's a journalist anymore after all hahahaha? Why report on actual news when we can show pictures of (guess who) Sarah Palin in a bikini!

"In a very misguided attempt to have some fun in advance of Sarah Palin's upcoming book Going Rogue, our staff mistakenly used some clearly photoshopped images of Ms. Palin without any acknowledgment...I apologize," said host Dylan Ratigan.

It's funny because it's FAKE! And we're the NEWS! aha hahahahaha!

Oh dancers. Allow me to blow this out of proportion for the purpose of expressing a greater point.

For journalists--the soldiers entrenched in the field fighting the righteous fight against the forces of untruth--it matters not the size or scope of a "mistake" "production error" lie, but its very existence. The intent of that lie, while irrelevant to formulating the basis of opposition to it, is significant to understanding the motive of its perpetrators. It may seem as if these innocuous, even "inadvertent" mistakes as the one depicted above matter not all that much in the grand war between Truth and False. But you have to ask yourself not how big the lie is; you may not even care why the lie is. Rather you must ask yourself whether or not you are content with being lied to. If the White House used the wrong video for the purpose of proving an unreal level of support for its occupant, we would speak truth to power. But when those who should be facilitating this speech, who should be standing steadfastly on the frontlines, instead flee from combat, or worse, speak lies of power, perverting their original intention as defenders of Truth to become defenders of their own truth and willfully engaging in the tactics of the enemy by lying to defend their truth, what then becomes of this war? Does this infiltration from the inside not severely undermine our efforts? What of our duty as truth vigilantes?

If I lie in what I write to you, you must call me a liar.
If I lie in what I say to you, you must call me a liar.
If I lie in what I show to you, you must call me a liar.

Let's expel these traitors from our ranks and call them liars.

UPDATE: I have finally beaten Jon Stewart to a point.  Okay well I didn't exactly "beat" him there but I swear I didn't see this clip before I wrote the above, this makes this a WIN.  The whole clip is of course terrific, but I'm talking about roughly two minutes in.

The Daily Show With Jon StewartMon - Thurs 11p / 10c
Daily Show: The Rogue Warrior
Daily Show
Full Episodes
Political HumorHealth Care Crisis

Step into the rain: secondrain.blogspot.com

Wednesday, November 18, 2009

Inbox (1): Subject: ECON

J----- A----- to me

Did anything significant happen in Weiner's class today?

<--Reply   -->Forward

Me to J----- A-----

She re-did the comparison of fictional company workers Peter and John (Bjorn is apparently unemployed) and their health benefits that she did on the first or second day of class (she did not realize this redundancy). Next she discussed the tax-exempt nature of health benefits and the pros and cons associated put mostly how it's dumb.  Then she asked us pointed questions about ideal tax rates as if we'd been listening to her the whole time instead of daydreaming about ping pong and goldfish crackers. After the longest awkward silence of the semester thus far, somebody mumbled a number, she concurred, and her existential crisis concerning the wisdom of her chosen profession was duly avoided.  For the remaining time in class, she discussed the nature of the uninsured in America and why being uninsured sucks majorly h-core.  There was no mention of Politics Daily.  I was told to remind you (as you were a non-attendee in today's lecture) that on Friday she will be hosting a guest lecturer, a Republican by the name of Ike (who I presume to be the ghost of Gen. Eisenhower), to discuss the state of play on health care. Be there so as to project interest in the unique perspective this (inevitable) douchenozzle will offer on Hill politics.  That pretty much covers it.  I'll be glad to share whatever scribbles and non-sequiturs I managed to record.

<--Reply   -->Forward

J----- A----- to me

Thank you.

<--Reply   -->Forward

Step into the rain: secondrain.blogspot.com

Monday, November 16, 2009

Jihad Picnic

Yesterday, members of the Illinois delegation of the House GOP shared with the President via letter a terrifying glimpse into a dark, post-apocalyptic existence that will logically and inevitably follow the transfer of Death Eaters er, alleged terrorists from AzkabanGuantanamo to various secure locations in the United States.

“The Obama administration’s utter inability to create jobs here does not somehow make sending some of the world’s worst terrorists to our backyard a good idea,” said representative Peter Roskam (R-IL), joined by fellow headless chickens Don Mazullo, Judy Biggert, and Mark Kirk, who is running for Barack Obama's former Senate seat soon-to-be vacated by Roland Burris.

Continued Team NIMBY, Illinois will become "ground zero for Jihadist terrorist plots, recruitment and radicalization," after the transfer of detainees to the hardly-used (much like another taxpayer wasteland previously reported on) Thomson Correctional Center in the northwest corner of Illinois, where only sheep and grandparents live.

So according to these good patriots, if Obama gets his damned way, the Taliban will descend upon the cornfields of the Illinois prairie land like a cloud of locusts, destroying crops and Freedom that lay in its path.  This is a disturbing, deeply troubling, and very distinct possibility.  What logically follows is the perverted bloom of Islamofascism in the heartland of America; students in Joliet will be recruited into Al-Qaeda after-school training camps, the state capitol in Springfield will be converted into a mosque, terrorist masterminds will be picnicking in Peoria, and the Chicago White Sox will be renamed the Chicago Black Death to America. And that's not even considering what could happen to Iowa!

Lest you think these moronic alarmists, who would paint the word INFIDEL on the head of every Chicagoan and sign it "B.H.O.," are speaking on behalf of all conservatives (not all, just most), read the following statement in support of detainee transfers to federal prison to be tried in federal court issued by stalwart conservatives and borderline libertarians Bill Burr, former Georgia congressman, presidential candidate, and GW alumnus, David Keene, founder of the American Conservative Union, and perennial liberal foe Grover Norquist, president of Americans for Tax Reform. Strange bedfellows indeed:

As it moves to close Guantanamo and develop policies for handling terrorism suspects going forward, the government should rely upon our established, traditional system of justice. This includes our system of federal prisons, which have repeatedly proven they can safely hold persons convicted of terrorism offenses.

We are confident that the government can preserve national security without resorting to sweeping and radical departures from an American constitutional tradition that has served us effectively for over two centuries.

Civilian federal courts are the proper forum for terrorism cases. Civilian prisons are the safe, cost effective and appropriate venue to hold persons convicted in federal courts. Over the last two decades, federal courts constituted under Article III of the U.S. Constitution have proven capable of trying a wide array of terrorism cases, without sacrificing either national security or fair trial standards.

Likewise the federal prison system has proven itself fully capable of safely holding literally hundreds of convicted terrorists with no threat or danger to the surrounding community.

The scaremongering about these issues should stop.

Using a state of the art but little used prison facility like the one at Thomson, Illinois - with any appropriate security upgrades our law enforcement professionals deem necessary - makes good sense for the tax payers who invested $145 million in the facility and who are seeing millions wasted every month at the costly, inefficient Guantanamo facility. It makes sense for the community which will benefit from the related employment and has absolutely no reason to fear that prisoners will escape or be released into their communities.

But most of all it makes sense for America because it is a critical link in the process of closing Guantanamo and getting this country back to using its tried and true, constitutionally sound institutions.

You see, it's all about creating jobs! At the expense of our children's innocence. Oh and about the whole Constitution thing we have.

Step into the rain: secondrain.blogspot.com

Sunday, November 15, 2009

Dancing With The Seniors

Last night I celebrated my fourth ISA Diwali Show (my last as a GW student and the first I had no hand in orchestrating, which was a strange feeling) meaning I finally had the chance to participate in what most brown GW students look forward to: the senior dance. I was privileged to document the 1960s with flair and my superior dancing acumen.  Major props to the 80s rendition of "Thriller"; the gloves were so clutch.  Without further ado, I am humbled to present: Decades in Review: An Interactive Exhibit Through Dance By GW Seniors.

I'm going to miss this.

Step into the rain: secondrain.blogspot.com

Friday, November 13, 2009

The Best Thing You'll See All Week

Feeling blue? Well chin up, bub. Here's another SR service to paper-laden, exam-loathing fellow students, this one also featuring dogs, plus returning soldiers (a sure-fire recipe for smiles and choke ups!):


Still need an extra shot of endorphins? HuffPost has a whole bunch of these videos ready to put a big smile on your face. Watch a few, hug the world, and get back to work. You're welcome.

Step into the rain: secondrain.blogspot.com

Thursday, November 12, 2009


Last night on his comedy show, Sean Hannity admitted to and apologized for using the "wrong" video footage of a large conservative rally from September during a segment about Republican opposition to the House health care reform bill. This disingenuous "mistake" was of course caught by White House Speech Monitors Jon Stewart.  Here's what Mr. Hannity had to say about the very minor insignificantly small error:

"Goodness me! How could I have been so irresponsible, so, so, what's the word, 'inadvertent' in my unabashed support for a political movement!"

Silly Sean! You really ought to do a better job of labeling all those newsreel videos with the same care you take with categorizing your S&M porn. But it's alright, I completely understand how you and your production crew didn't catch the difference between the health care rally this week (held on a sunny, blue-sky day before a backdrop of brilliant autumn foliage of the National Mall) and the 9/12 march (held on an overcast, grey-sky day before a backdrop of lush green foliage of the National Mall) footage you and your network promoted reported ad nauseum.  I mean, personally, all those images of misdirected anger displayed through confusing (albeit certainly thought-provoking), simplistic, intellectually lazy, and often racist homemade signs wielded by equally confused and misdirected fat people kind of all just run together into one giant cesspool of Freedumb.  Why should we suspect that your show, a beacon of truth and objectivity in an era of deceit and misdirection, would intentionally, purposefully, deceitfully supplant actual images of the Bachmann "Super Bowl of Freedom" rally with the more widely attended mass uprising that was the Washington Teabagging Party in order to convey an aura of strength in numbers around the steadfast conservative opposition to PelosiCare? After all, as you've demonstrated with the above mea culpa, it is clear that you readily admit to blatant propagandizing "inadvertent mistakes"on your show, thereby elevating you to the status of humble newsman, calling things as he sees them and conceding his errors in a fashion innate to a man of true virtue equal to your own. Thus you are granted undue due credibility that allows for more lying, spinning, omitting, and context-less opinionating honest, upfront, and unclouded reporting. Yes Sean, there simply is nothing in your past that would lead us to believe that you are a dishonest, agenda-driven, ideological schmuck.

Thanks for watching. Pay no attention to that man behind the curtain.

Step into the rain: secondrain.blogspot.com

Wednesday, November 11, 2009

Subtle Misdirection

The Daily Show With Jon Stewart
Mon - Thurs 11p / 10c
Sean Hannity Uses Glenn Beck's Protest Footage

Daily Show
Full Episodes

Political Humor
Health Care Crisis

Let us imagine a propagandist MSM elite, wholly indoctrinated by Obama and complicit in his quest to end America, nefariously replaced, during the sacred American hour of the evening news, a photograph taken at the annual Karl Marx-Benedict Arnold dinner at the Columbus Plumbers & Pipefitters Union Hall, attended by one computer programmer, four unshowered hipsters, and Dennis Kucinich, with this.

Oh! The righteousness of purpose that would compel our hero citizen-journalists at Fox News to ignite the fire of indignation lit by the undying burn of Liberty's torch, fueled with the blood of patriots rising from their shops, their streets, their homes, their towns, marching without fear or reservation from the oceans, the heartland, the desert, the Dixie, and the Lakes, to stand before the usurped throne of Freedom in the center of this fair city to exclaim with all vigor and might ordained by divine Providence, "SIC SEMPER TYRANNIS!"

I'm beginning to realize, in light of teabagging, Anita Dunn, teabagging Anita Dunn, and rampant reactionary dissent in the age of Obama, Fox News may not be pro-Republican or even pro-conservative after all.  Nay, Fox News is simply pro-Fox News.  And if that's true, I guess there's nothing to fault them for.

This particular fleeting bluff was caught not by the hard-nosed journalist writing truth to power or the so-called media watchdogs asleep at the door but by a satirist.  Of course, this artificial augmentation of numbers, while at its best is perhaps innocuous in its subtlety, is merely a slightly disingenuous means to achieve a greater, grander end: a tiny white lie orchestrated by a deft magician concealing the wires of the machinery, pushing a ploy designed to trick the loyal viewing public for its own good.  It's like hiding a heartworm pill inside a dog's beef and biscuit.  Unfortunately, and to the frustration of pet owners everywhere, the damn mutt always spits out that jagged little pill.  Gosh, what's it take to incite a little mob revolution these days?  If only for the good of ourselves.

Step into the rain: secondrain.blogspot.com

Tuesday, November 10, 2009

Cocks & Castle

I have been waiting patiently for Stephen Colbert to Get to Know the esteemed at-large district of Delaware. My wait is over. Watch this interview quickly devolve into a discussion about sex with chickens and Florence Henderson. Yeah, Castle hit that. And it's one of several reasons revealed in this interview why I admire his Republican ass (and why I don't want Beau to cockblock him).

The Colbert Report
Mon - Thurs 11:30pm / 10:30c
Better Know a District - Delaware's Mike Castle

Colbert Report Full Episodes
Political Humor
U.S. Speedskating

Step into the rain: secondrain.blogspot.com

Sunday, November 8, 2009

"I Am Here Today"

(At 1:30)

Maine may have said no, but their sons and daughters, some of whom fight today, will say yes.

Via Ganging Aft Agley

Step into the rain: secondrain.blogspot.com

Saturday, November 7, 2009

Friday at the Fishbowl

This was a blast. I can't wait to do it again and share more of my music (finally).

Step into the rain: secondrain.blogspot.com

Friday, October 30, 2009

Perpetual Revulsion Machine

I'm a total mouthpiece for Jon Stewart. Watch him dismantle the Fox News bullhorn while mocking presumably smart people in the White House. As always, I pine for his wit:

The Daily Show With Jon Stewart
Mon - Thurs 11p / 10c
For Fox Sake!

Daily Show
Full Episodes

Political Humor
Health Care Crisis

Step into the rain: secondrain.blogspot.com

Thursday, October 29, 2009


Pablo Martinez Monsivais, Associated Press
Dover Air Force Base, Dover, DE October 19, 2009

O Captain! my Captain! our fearful trip is done;
The ship has weather’d every rack, the prize we sought is won;
The port is near, the bells I hear, the people all exulting,
While follow eyes the steady keel, the vessel grim and daring:
But O heart! heart! heart!
O the bleeding drops of red,
Where on the deck my Captain lies,
Fallen cold and dead.


Step into the rain: secondrain.blogspot.com

Wednesday, October 21, 2009

Blue Hen Battle: Joining Forces

Back in April, Second Rain reported on an event hosted by the University of Delaware featuring Steve Schmidt, former manager of Sen. John McCain's runner-up campaign, and David Plouffe, former manager of then Sen. Barack Obama's successful bid, during which both men shared the opportunity to reflect on some of the intense and sometimes animus battles fought between the two camps during last year's campaign. Both men, while finally outside of the partisan bubble they had inhabited for over a year, had kind things to say about each other, their respective campaigns, and respective former bosses (but they certainly weren't all about hand-holding and eye-gazing).

Both Schmidt and Plouffe, who I was able to meet when the Democratic operative spoke a few weeks back in the Jack Morton Auditorium at GW (and subsequently offered a Blue Hen shoutout before asking him a question about...Steve Schmidt), were both almost-alumni of the heralded Delaware school before leaving their education behind to pursue ultimately successful careers in politics. Recently, both men were able to fulfill their remaining requirements to finally obtain their degrees and are now teaming up to form a new political communications center at UD.

According to CNN's Political Ticker, or the political journalism equivalent of Politics-Lite, "The two political operatives are working together to develop a curriculum combining political science, communication, marketing, sociology, and other subjects."

"It's a privilege to get a chance to work with David and the talented women and men at the University of Delaware to help create a center that will help students study our political system and maybe inspire a few of them to participate in our nations political life," wrote Schmidt.

This is awesome. I'm sure my buddy Nelson is bummed this program wasn't around when he was a freshman at UD.

Plouffe is set to speak to students of his alma mater tonight at 7:30PM, a conversation which will be webcasted live from Mitchell Hall in Newark.

Pictures provided by CNN, University of Delaware

Step into the rain: secondrain.blogspot.com

Sunday, October 18, 2009

An Accurate Diagnosis

I've been looking long and hard, since the early days of this year, for a fierce yet fiercely loyal, steadfast yet not unappeasable, accurate yet debatable opposition on the right. So far, while I've seen glimmers of such hope, I've mostly found this. I'm not claiming heart surgeon and former Senator Bill Frist (R-TN) is necessarily the answer, especially given some of his past statements. But this sure does sound like a learned, reasoned man, the same who bucked his own party's ideological grandstanding over stem-cell research in favor of science and knowledge.  And it looks like he's doing the same with health care reform:

Step into the rain: secondrain.blogspot.com

Wednesday, October 14, 2009


Remember this cute little doozy in the pages of your WaPo a few weeks back? Adorable. While we're recalling recent MASS UPRISINGS against tyranny, which somehow formed a huge, wide, gaping hole in the liberal media's coverage, remember that gay rights march on the Mall a few days back? You know, the one that brought out tens of thousands of people to protest the policies of our government and bring a voice to those being ignored or being told to shut up? I'm talking about the National Equality March that took place in our nation's capital this weekend. Given the media field day over the September 12 Tea Party protest, you'd be sure all the major news networks would have sent reporters and camera crews to cover the event. And you'd definitely be sure that the network most dedicated to covering the news of Real America, the network not in tune with the elitist snobbery of Washington highbrow circles but with the American people, the network most committed to providing a voice to these good and hardworking people who are struggling to be heard, the network which has prided itself since its inception of being entirely fair and perfectly balanced in its coverage, you'd be sure this network would expend all of its resources to cover this important event framed within a seminal time in contemporary American history.

Today's forecast is a torrential hail of hypocrisy, my friends.  Read the very bottom of that add up above.  Let them defend this:

The Daily Show With Jon Stewart
Mon - Thurs 11p / 10c
Queer and Loathing in D.C.

Daily Show
Full Episodes

Political Humor
Ron Paul Interview

Step into the rain: secondrain.blogspot.com

Monday, October 12, 2009

"Anywhere You Wanna Put It, Max."

A while back, during its nascent days, Second Rain launched a soon-to-be-defunct running series entitled "Attractive Anchors & Cutie Correspondents," a monthly piece designed to bring you to, the rain-soaked reader, the names, backgrounds, and loads of pictures of various hottie journalists and TV personalities whom we all love to love. While the series fell out of favor with studio executives with difficult budgeting decisions to make, it appears the one story SR was able to run was on to something:

How fortuitous that the first two questions had a flushed, breathless hostess say the words "stroke," "wet," "hole," "finger," and "doggie." God bless the Navy. And bless you, Meredith.

Step into the rain: secondrain.blogspot.com

Thursday, October 8, 2009

Monday, October 5, 2009

Busting Nuts With Protection

I could complain about the annoying proliferation of "non-celebrity celebrities" in our pop culture, but this is just too damn good. Besides, a man wise enough to tattoo his own last name on his forearm is a man I admire. I can't wait for him to replace Brett Favre in those rugged jeans ads ("guess what brand of denim Levi Johnston wears during his mud football pickup games?")

I want his T-shirt. Except it would say "Real America."

Via Adam Beck.

Step into the rain: secondrain.blogspot.com

Friday, October 2, 2009

One Step Back for America, One Giant Leap For the GOP

Our President is an apologist who lacks the courage and backbone to stand up for America and her principles and interests abroad. He also has no business flying to Copenhagen with his wife, risking his esteem and clout, to advocate fiercely and passionately for America on the high-stakes global stage that is the International Olympic Committee deliberations.

Our President is trying to do too much, shoving his maniacal "change" agenda down the throats of the American people with breakneck pace.  Unless of course he flies to Copenhagen to try to bring a great honor to America in which case he is the laziest, most irresponsible, most derelict president in the history of our nation and that includes that fucker Van Buren.

This is this judgment of the right-wing noisemakers to whom this President can do absolutely, positively no good.  This is the judgment of the "unappeasable opposition."

One would think most Americans would put politics aside to rally behind their leader and his earnest efforts to bring the glory of the greatest games on earth to the greatest country on earth. One would presume too much of some people.

"He's the president of the United States, not the mayor of Chicago," said House Minority Leader John Boehner (R-Loompaland). You're right Congressman, he was only elected by the country, not Chicago, dur!

“The first lady should have been the 'lead' here,” Esteemed Chairman of the RNC Michael "Where's The Fire?" Steele said. “Let her go and sell Chicago.” Exactly, Mike. This is just the kind of insignificant, womanly, "cute" idea that can best be handled by a chic. Like redecorating the powder room.

“If [health care] is that important, Mr. President, then stay home and get it done." Ah, nicely done Steelman. I see what you did there. But why, pray, would you care to "rush" health care reform?

A few more samples of conservative glee and joy over America's loss:

RedState's Erick Erickson: "Hahahahaha. I thought the world would love us more now that Bush was gone. I thought if we whored ourselves out to our enemies, great things would happen. Apparently not. So Obama's pimped us to every two bit thug and dictator in the world, made promises to half the Olympic committee, and they did not even kiss him."

Hahahahaha America sucks SO MUCH!

Limbaugh: "[This is] the worst day of his presidency."

A case to be made, except when you've decreed every day of the past seven months with the same title, the effect is muted.  Sorta like how even though you've lost 80 pounds, you're still 240 pounds of douche.

Hannity: "Gang violence in Chicago leaves a teenager dead, and the shocking events are caught on tape. Should the President be pushing to bring the Olympics to this city?"

A child was assaulted by a larger classmate on a playground in Washington, DC. Should Obama be condoning such hate by LIVING there? A man was mugged on a street in Manhattan. Why did Obama CHOOSE to go to college there? Hawai'i is a hotbed of violent volcano eruptions. SHOULD OBAMA BE ENDORSING VOLCANOES BY (ALLEGEDLY) BEING BORN THERE????

Malkin: "Goodbye, 'Yes We Can.' Hello, 'No, You Can’t.' Like Icarus, President Obama’s giddy ego flight has ended with melted wax and fallen wings. This is a big win and a massive relief for taxpayers."

Yes we can revel as our president crashes to earth like a mythical Greek character while we stand on top of the flag in our earned victory over the Obamalympics!  And if your pride is still hurting in a recession that has already shaken it to the core, just think of all the taxes you won't have to pay that you likely wouldn't have had to pay anyway!

Beck: "[It cost] approximately $1.2 million to fly Air Force One over to Copenhagen and it will spew over a million pounds of CO2 into the atmosphere, while at the same time [Obama] lectures us on carbon emissions."

$1.2 million is a quite a bit less than the amount of advertising revenue Glenn's variety show, on which quite a bit of hot air is emitted, has lost since July.

"Obama's just going to Copenhagen to find out commie ways to make Americans HAPPY LIKE THE DANISH."

Unattributed, but I'm sure somebody said it.

Yes folks, while the President and his wife and his wife's wife Oprah went to Copenhagen to appeal to the all-powerful IOC to award the 2016 games to the Windy City, displaying not only a deep and abiding affection for their home city but immense pride and love for country, conservatives back home were busy actively rooting against not only an American president but an American city in America full of Americans.

That's right, they wanted to watch the good ol' USA fail on the world stage. But why? These flag-waving bloodbrothers, true patriots, broad-breasted Americans, hearty and proud, heirs to Washington and Jefferson, defenders of liberty and justice, have always rooted for America in all of her endeavors, whether it be her bids for the Olympic Games, her quests into the depths of space, her pursuit of innovation and prosperity, or her carpet bombing of Somali villages. Why do they now stand so unified in opposition to bringing the aura, prestige, wonder, and excitement of the Olympics to America to give new life to the Second City and restore and strengthen the pride we share in our country?  Simple: because Obama wanted it. That alone was enough to make them despise the notion.

When President Obama delivered his speech to the Muslim world in Cairo in May, he was blasted by the right for appeasing terrorists. When he spoke to French and German students about American relations with Europe, it was dubbed the "Apology Tour." But when this president stood up as a champion of America before the world (as he always has), he was told by these same ethnocentric chest-beaters to take a seat. I for one would rather my president serve as our greatest, most active ambassador to the world, exhibiting what is best about our country and promoting it with conviction and pride yet touched with humility and grace. And I would rather my president take a large risk to do so, leave his reputation and name on the line, take a shot for my country, than to sit back and let a weaker advocate take his place. That's the kind of leadership I expect from my president. I root for America, not for a political party. Curious how the people who wrongly accused me of doing just the opposite just a few years ago are inexcusably guilty of it now.

Step into the rain: secondrain.blogspot.com

Thursday, October 1, 2009

Detained Terrorists Pay Less Than Future-Ninjas

A while back, Second Rain reported on the blatant and shameless NIMBYism exhibited by members of Congress with regards to relocating Guantanamo Bay detainees to their home states. SR also reported on the courageous and patriotic city of Hardin, MT whose city council voted to request the transfer of detainees into their 400+ bed yet criminally underused (!) Two Rivers Regional Detention Facility. SR endorsed this great idea, which would have provided a boost to the local economy by creating more jobs (the detention of alleged terrorists benefiting American capitalism: Score USA) for the downtrodden town.  This transfer of prisoners would not only justify the construction and superfluous funding of an empty tax-eating prison complex but would assist with the important task of shutting down Gitmo, serving justice, and bolstering American security.

Or we could just turn over the 50-acre facility to a secretive crack security paramilitary agency with a penchant for arriving at their destination in a dramatic manner characterized by various Hollywood depictions of black, tinted-window foreign luxury automobile motorcades so they can (after acquiring 5,000 more acres of sandbox) shoot big guns and play cops and robbers and blow shit up. For ten years.

Well I certainly can't blame Hardin. Hit hard economically and looking for an infusion of cash, I'm sure plenty small towns would invite a mysterious paramilitary organization with an eerily Orwellian name into their "backyards."

By approving the deal with American Police Force Organization, a California-based private security team which offers "surveillance, investigative, and military services across the world," the city will receive $2 million, it's very own deluxe munitions site, and will be renamed "New Tikrit."  A small price to pay for the security of our homeland at the able hands of the finest men and women of our...privately contracted security cabal. It's simple really: imprisoned criminals < the A-Team. Unfortunately the latter ≠ enhanced American security.

But avert your eyes and heads from this abortion of logic and failure of reason and instead stand firm in resisting Obama's armed czar-commanded clandestine civilian corps! Fight the shadow government!

Step into the rain: secondrain.blogspot.com

Tuesday, September 29, 2009

Kids Say The Darndest Things

Raindancers, I try to be clever, but until I'm writing for this show, I'm just a wannabe. Once again, Jon says what I try to. The only difference between us is while Jon's soul has been run over repeatedly by a Mac truck over the years, steering him toward more passive tactics of exposing hypocritical alarmists for what they are with a snicker and a pun or two instead of unleashing a firestorm of smackdown with full vigor and righteousness, I still have some life left in me to pack a stronger punch. But today, as I have many times before, I defer to the most poignant political satirist of our times:

The Daily Show With Jon Stewart
Mon - Thurs 11p / 10c
America: Target America

Daily Show
Full Episodes

Political Humor
Ron Paul Interview

Step into the rain: secondrain.blogspot.com