Sir, You Need To Check Your Bags. Of Fat.

Tops on my always heavy-hitting, hard news CNN headline feed was this article detailing writer/actor/director/comedian/awesome New Jersey Devils fan Kevin Smith's recent ordeal with the always PR-conscious Southwest "Bags Fly Free Unless They're Attached at Your Waist via Fatty Tissue" Airlines. Apparently Mr. Smith's, er, largess forced the Southwest flight attendants to request he deboard the plane, on which only one seat (his) remained. This is a big fat hefty chunky jelly-filled bag of cow lard. Kevin Smith will be and has been the first to admit to the abundance of luscious ladylumps south of his neckline. And as the article details he usually purchases two tickets when traveling for comfort and privacy's sake.  But his size surely does not warrant this practice. When airlines announced they'd be charging fat people twice, that was fine by me; unless the passenger can provide documentation that he or she is afflicted with a genetic condition or any other circumstances that contribute to his or her obesity other (discounting the checkbox for "Cheesesteaks") they ought to fully bear the cost to the airline and other passengers' comfort and safety to fly their fat asses to San Diego (See: negative externalities).  But stopping a not-abnormally hefty Kevin Smith from boarding a flight?  Look at the guy, he's not any bigger than your average run-of-the-mill big American dude.  Let's reserve the Buy a Second Seat, Tubs policy to the morbidly obese and Heidi Montag. That's right I said it, Heidi Montag is so fucking fat.

Truth be told, I only chose to write about Kevin Smith because of the shirt he's wearing in this picture on the article page. This should serve as a clue to all those who wish to make SR. (credit: Getty Images)


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