If you're one of many Americans who are just like me, you may not have a strong mental impression of this great Western Pennsylvanian urbania. And while you may rest easy with that knowledge (or lack thereof), I would like to share with you some insight into the town one Sienna Miller so famously fell in love with:
Pro: All of Pittsburgh's major sports teams (Penguins, Steelers, Pirates) share the same color scheme, gold and black, fostering a sense of civic pride and saving on paint costs.
Con: They all suck.
Pro: Okay so they obviously don't always suck. The Pittsburgh Steelers have more Super Bowl championships than any other team in the NFL. The Pittsburgh Penguins are a model NHL franchise with smart, passionate ownership, young, hot talent, and a fiercely loyal fanbase.
Con: They play in the Consol Energy Center. Weaksauce.
Pro: Pittsburgh does not have (nor want) an NBA franchise.
Con: Pittsburgh does not have (nor want) black people.
DOUBLECON: The Steelers don't have cheerleaders.Wtf? Is that American?
Pro: The University of Pittsburgh Panthers men's basketball team routinely destroys the Hoyas of Georgetown (on GW's behalf).
Con: The University of Pittsburgh Panthers men's basketball team routinely chokes in the NCAA tournament.
Pro: Jeff Goldblum hails from Pittsburgh.
Con: Rush Limbaugh hails from Pittsburgh.
Pro: Pittsburgh's mayor, Luke Ravenstahl, is the youngest mayor of any major American city at 26.
Con: He still lives with his mom. Probably.
Pro: Pittsburgh celebrates its own local dialect, "Pittsburghese."
Con: No one from anywhere else knows what the hell they're saying. See "Con: Limbaugh."
Pro: Pittsburgh has the awesome nickname of "Steel City."
Con: No one makes steel in Pittsburgh anymore. It's high time they rename their football team to the Pittsburgh Health Care Computer Systems Specialists. And get cheerleaders. Or...librarians...
Pro: In 2007, Pittsburgh was rated "America's Most Livable City" by Places Rated Almanac
Con: No one reads that. Or lives in Pittsburgh. Especially if they're black.
Pro: The city was named for Sir William Pitt, by all accounts one of England's finest prime ministers
Con: Sir William's name rhymes with a colorful designation for excrement, to the delight of Philadelphians the world over.
Good or bad, Pittsburgh truly is a charming town. I have in my time come to know a few natives here and there, and once you get over the unintelligible dialect and pungent odor, they really are nice, friendly people. Whoclingtogunsandreligion.