Thursday, July 8, 2010

Piece Be With You

In quaint Louisiana, counties are called "parishes" and donuts (or "doughnuts" if you're a fake American) are "beignets" and pelicans are known as "oil ducks." Similarly, the proud people of the Gulf have for generations referred to prayer as "shootin' oil ducks with Jeebus." Up until now this charming, ancestral expression was but a metaphor for a profound acquaintance with the Almighty. Bobby fucking Jindal does not understand believe in metaphors. So he made a law that says now you can hide your guns under your gut when you go to church, or as they say in the bayou, "on the way to the MacDonalds." This was done evidently so that when the holographic smoke spirit of Satan inevitably infiltrates God's home base to cocksuck the souls out of the living and voodoo them into zombie socialists, this guy will be fucking ready.

But do not fret unarmed worshipers. Although the identities of these highly trained veterans of the Bible Brigade must remain undisclosed, pastors/head of religious institutions (but let's be serious there's like one Rabbi south of Shreveport) must inform the huddled, hitherto defenseless masses in the pews that an armed "security force" is on duty detailing the perimeter for any a'dem illegals. The bill's intention is to protect "houses of worship" in "declining neighborhoods" (or: full of black people) from "thieves and muggers" who apparently could not be stopped through worshiping in the first place SOME MESSIAH YOU GOT THERE LOSERS.

Already, gun-hating libtards have begun pelting burning effigies of Jindal with tar balls while shouting some nonsense about religion equating to non-violence and peace and love towards your fellow man and that an instrument of war which yields death ought not be presented before the ultimate purveyor of Life and Death yada yada whatever muslins deserve hot death. But that's Bobby fucking Jindal for ya, putting the piece in beati pacifici. Until Obama sues him.

Step into the rain:

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