Friday, July 23, 2010

Shepard Is My Shepherd

RDs, it's a scary fucking world right now. The economy is broked, Lilo now has to get her drugs in prison, and Obama just forced everybody without a job into prostitution. Oh and his Agriculture Secretary is in the KKK, or something.

But fear not folks, because when I feel a paranoid schizophrenic panic attack coming on, I just pop some Dilaudid and turn on Fox News, where anchor Shepard Smith continues to voice the clarion call of reason in these whackadoodle times.

Via Politico:

"We on Studio B did not run [the abbreviated context-free video of Shirley Sherrod apparently being a bigoted bastard cuntface before actually being like, the total opposite of that] and did not reference the story in any way for many reasons,” Smith said. “Among them: We didn't know who shot it, we didn't know when it was shot, we didn't know the context of the statement, and because the history of the videos on the site where it was posted. In short-we did not and do not trust the source"

SNAP. Shep just took a big righteous steaming SHIT on Andrew Breitbart's stupid toilet face! Post a pic of THAT on Big Government you knucklefucking hackjob!

"Why am I such a festering, kinda British-looking douchenozzle?"

But that Smith actually performed his job according to the standards his industry once revered comes as no surprise to me. Shep has always been the only redeeming attribute of the "news" organization he is currently employed with.

What's truly fucking frightening is that Shepard Smith of Studio B on Fox News Channel is now, after this fauxsaga, the best journalist in America. Read that again. He's even better than Rachel Maddow, and that dude's won awards!

Lest you think the "conservative media" is going soft (gay), crawl up the ass and enter the mind of one Mr. Rush Limbaugh, who will have NONE of this Breitbart bus-throwing-under pussyfest.

"Even Fox caved on this," said the radio man after taking three Dilaudid. "Even poor old Shep Smith went down there and said that everybody's wrong on this, that Breitbart is wrong and so forth." AND SO FORTH!

"There are only a handful of us that have the guts to put this story straight [editor's note: NOT GAY]. If we don't hammer back, nobody will. We got a bunch of cowards in the conservative media inside the Beltway which will not deal with this honestly."

"This is about the continuing smearing of great patriotic Americans which is all the left has left to do," Limbaugh declared. "There's no racism in the Tea Party. They don't have racist signs."

Luckily, all the folks who were watching Fox News immediately turned off the teevee and switched on their radio macheens when Shepard took a liberal cumshot to the chest and refused to play the Sherrod tape so Jeff in Ohio could think of his next clever "not racist just true" sign (something like "SHIRLEY YOUR KIDDING???" with picture of Holocaust victims and "Typical White Person" written underneath. I'm good, no?). So America is saved? Not so fast and so forth!

"This [presumably, Obama] regime is tribalizing this country," Rush went on. "We aren't Americans anymore. We're all members of different racial tribes, and we are to be pitted against each other: Black Americans, White Americans, Asian Americans, Hispanic Americans. We're all being divided up racially, by tribes."

Which is of course to say Obama is an African. See? Even Rush out of context is Rush, unabridged.

Step into the rain:

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